Caregiver: Elder Care For Aging Parents

Caregiver's Touch: A Tool To Help Keep Your Wits About You

2011-05-28T19:29:00.000-03:00

I came across something today that I'd wished I had when taking care of my elderly mother. It would sure have helped keep all the things and dates organized that you need to have at your fingertips. Instead, it seemed I was always trying to locate things when time was so important.

This may be something that could help you and all caregivers...

Click Here For Caregiver's Touch!

Mother's Day Should Be Celebrated

2011-05-07T19:41:00.001-03:00

Thank your lucky stars if you still have your mother here with you. If not to visit at least to call and wish her, "Happy Mother's Day!" This is my fifth Mother's Day without my Mom and I can't believe so much time has passed when it only feels like yesterday.

But such is life. So if you are a Mom, I wish for you a joyous day. If you have a Mother to hold, give an extra tight hug to her. If she lives far from you, please call to hear her voice.

Let's celebrate the most wonderful Mothers in the world!

Elder Care: And Then We Have To Say Goodbye...

2011-04-13T12:14:00.001-03:00

It doesn't matter the age of a loved one when they die. It always hurts. And, for me, I'm finding time doesn't make it much easier. If anything, I miss Mom more now than when she died. Everyone said I was in shock then. Even though it was certainly expected.

As the anniversary approaches of the day she died, I find myself depressed. When most people are getting a healthy dose of spring fever, I'm ready to go back to hibernation. I know it will pass. At work, at least, nobody would know how I feel. I deal with the public so I have to be "on" at all times. Which helps.

Death sucks. No matter what the age. I can't believe it will be 5 years. It seems like 2 years at most. For those of us who believe in the afterlife, it's much easier. I don't know what I believe. Sometimes, I believe our loved ones are having a great old time "over there" and waiting to be reunited with us. At other times, I lose sight of those good thoughts.

What I do know is this. I've been at the bedside of several people getting ready to die. And everyone of them in the days and hours leading up to death were reaching out. Everyone of them. What did they see? Who were they reaching for? Was someone beckoning them? Letting them know they had love and support when they passed? Gosh, I sure want to believe in that.

I guess the only thing we can do is treat our loved ones who are still with us with love. And know that we've done our best while we had the ones with who have passed. Still...I wish I could go back and do it better...

I miss you, Mom. And I will see you again, someday...

Helping Your Aging Parents Stay Healthy And Happy

2011-03-06T14:11:00.000-04:00

We can't stop the natural aging process. Only have to look in the mirror and notice our own stiff limbs in the morning to realize that. If you have aging parents, you'll be wanting to watch for changes in their physical and mental well-being.

As your parents age, you'll become much more proactive. You'll want to talk with their doctors. A good relationship here is so beneficial for everyone. Go with them to their appointments. A good doctor will encourage this for many reasons. Often times, our parents become hard of hearing and don't want to mention it. They will miss important medical information.

Some times they may be confused by all that's going on and miss valuable instruction. If you are there, it's like a double check on the health of your parents. You'll know what they are supposed to be following up on and can make sure everything goes as planned.

I must add how important the pharmacist is as well. Nuture these relationships and the road will be smoother.

Remember too, as your parent's health declines, it is going to affect you emotionally. You are watching your once vibrant, young parent face the pitfall of aging. It's hard to watch the Dad who could throw a fast curve ball now be unsteady on his feet. To see the Mom who could multi-task with the best of them, have trouble dressing in the morning. Try to remember what it must feel like to be in their shoes.

Encourage them to stay socially active. Make sure they stay in touch with family and friends. If they no longer drive, please drive them yourself. This wards off depression. For both the parent and the caregiver.

When my Mom would get to spend the day with friends, the bliss carried over for a long time. And give them privacy. Don't hover. Go do something else. This is their time. Get out of their way. How else can they bitch about their kids? Just kidding...

Encourage them to exercise. Especially walking. I know in the winter it can become a nightmare. Find someplace that has an inside track and get them to the facility if you have to. It also helps with the winter doldrums. And speaking of which, consider one of those SAD lights. I have one for myself and believe me, it does work. Winter can be tough and everything we can do to literally make light of it, the better for everyone.

Love and protect your loved ones while you have them. Trust me, you'll miss them when they are no longer with you...

Adaptive Clothing: Making Life Easier For Your Aging Parents

2011-03-02T12:26:00.000-04:00

I hate to admit that when Mom was alive, I didn't even know about adaptive clothing. Now of course I feel so guilty. And you can all relate to those feelings of guilt, right? Not a day goes by when I don't find myself thinking of how I could have been a better caregiver to Mom. Intellectually I know it doesn't make sense to go over and over these thoughts in my head. But I do. It seems to be a caregiver's returning nightmare.

We can't go back in time, although we may wish we could. At least she lived with me and I could help her dress when she had difficulty but what of our loved ones who live alone and struggle with dressing? I guess my way of making it up to Mom is to let others know about adaptive clothing. At least, you'll know about them and have the choice if they're right for your loved ones.

Or you can tell your loved ones what's available out there that can make their life easier. And everything that can bring less stress to our days is a good day. So if you know of someone who has troubles with dressing due to limited mobility due to any number of afflictions to the body, tell them about Silvert's.

This company has been around forever and know how to treat their customers. They have a catalog chock full of adaptive clothing for all needs. Click on the Silvert's banner and the top of the page and have a look around.

Caring For The Caregiver: How To Avoid Burnout

2011-02-21T11:10:00.000-04:00

Stress is a nasty beast. It can build up as we go along with our lives and we don't even know it's visiting us. Until it's too late. As a caregiver to an aging parent, we have to be on high alert. Even during the best of times, looking after elderly loved ones brings a certain amount of stress.

Ways To Avoid Burnout

*** Signs of stress are sleep disorders, anger issues, anxiety, headaches and depression. Keep tabs on yourself and identify these signs early on.

*** Have someone to confide in. Someone you trust like a good friend. If you have someone going through the same thing as you or has in the past, so much the better. It's so true that you can't really understand something unless you've experienced it yourself.

*** Manage your responsibilities. Be realistic. You can't get everything done at once. Be easy on yourself. Please don't get yourself into the GUILT trap.

*** Get respite care set up. If not from a service in your area, then get a friend or relative to step in so you can have some time for yourself.

*** Have time for yourself everyday. Turn off all thoughts of responsibilities and "perfection" and go to your "happy place"!

*** If you have severe burnout and depression, please, please seek professional help!

Elder Care: The Importance Of Home Care For Everybody Involved With Aging Parents

2011-02-16T17:20:00.000-04:00

Having home care for my mother was a godsend. For both of us. It gives the caregiver a chance to get errands done. It offers a respite for you to get away from your loved one. Which is good for both parties.

Nobody can and should be in each other's face every minute of the day. It replenishes the caregiver emotionally and physically.

For the care receiver, it's a chance to socialize with someone besides family members. My mom perked up when she knew her home care worker would be visiting. Having someone else get Mom in her bath saved my back!

Only you can visualize what the benefits to having home care would be. I urge you to call around your local area to see what's available. It can be paid or un-paid. But please look into this service. It took me awhile to get it all sorted out because I thought I had to do everything myself. Being the martyr does not work for anyone!

Happy Valentine's Day To All Caregivers And Their Aging Parents

2011-02-13T15:04:00.000-04:00

The day of love is here. Valentine's Day is not just for romantic couples. It's for everyone who loves. Their parents, their spouses, their partners, their friends, siblings, pets, you name it!

Hopefully, we feel the love everyday. Not just on February 14. But as caregivers, I hope you look at this day as a respite. If you're feeling stressed from the demands of looking after your elderly parents, take a moment and count your blessings.

I know that sounds trite and cliche but it is true. My Mom and I exchanged cards all the time. My most treasured ones are the ones she handmade for me when she was unable to get out in the stores. I don't have to tell you how much those mean to me, do I? I wish she were here now for this Valentine's Day...

So take the day tomorrow and find the spot in your heart that holds the best memories and cherish them.

Happy Valentine's Day, my friends!

Caring For Aging Parents If You've Had A Dysfunctional Relationship

2011-02-03T10:54:00.000-04:00

Alright, this is a biggie! There are no perfect relationships of any kind. But the degrees of dysfunction can vary.

Sometimes, the family evolves over time and looks back at their troubles and can now laugh. If this is your family, you're good to go. If you can be around each other and the past doesn't haunt you, you have been able to heal and move forward.

You will have to give a lot of thought to going back to living under the same roof as your parent if there was serious dysfunction.

In the event of a truly dysfunctional family, it will never get better. You couldn't live in harmony in the past. How would anyone expect you to do so now? The ill feelings are too great to overcome. Especially, for family members who have had to go into therapy for their own well-being. Your well-being has to come first. And don't let ANYBODY try to give you a guilt trip.

You didn't have anything to do with being born into your family. You've survived those years. Do not, I repeat, do not put yourself back into that environment. When we are around our parents, we do digress to our childhood memories. That's a fact.

All the dysfunction will rear up again. You will backslide. You are too important for this to happen. Find other ways to help your aging parents. Call services in their area to get assistance. Whether it be home care, assisted living or a nursing home if that's where they need to be.

Yes, it would be nice if all families were of the "Leave It To Beaver" fantasy. But that isn't what real life is like. For troubled families, life is fraught with bad feelings. They don't go away. Some will say they are over it and have forgiven.

So why do they still have nightmares about their childhoods? This happens. Unfortunately, some families need to stay away from one another. Do not blame yourself. Take care of your life. And find someone else to take care of your aging parents.

Elder Care: Keeping Our Loved Ones Warm In The Winter Season

2011-01-30T21:09:00.000-04:00

I hate cold weather. I have 3 speeds. Slow, slower and stored for winter. All kidding aside, cold weather can be worse for the elderly.

They aren't moving around as much in the cold weather. And if they are trying to keep the thermostat down to save money, they'll get chilled. Just the fact of having older bodies is a reason to pay attention. Their circulation can cause problems. If they have arthritis, the cold will bother them more. Any health issue seems to flair up much worse when you feel cold.

My Mom always said she had a chill when she was sitting doing her crocheting or reading. So keep blankets handy. Shawls and bed jackets are cozy alternatives in the cold weather. A warm cup of tea while soaking feet in a foot bath is a real treat. Same for a warm bath. Filled with something for dry skin.

And there's nothing cozier than having warm feet. Microwavable slippers are a godsend. You can wear them to bed to help with insomnia. (there's a link at the top right on this page for heated slippers. Just click on CosySoles)

If your elderly parents live by themselves, make sure they are taking care of keeping warm. If they live with you, it's easier to gauge how they are feeling. And a nice big warm hug is the best thing for all of us!

Your Aging Parent Living With You: Are You Up To The Task?

2011-01-22T20:41:00.000-04:00

Not everyone can have an aging parent live with them. There are many reasons for this. A few of them:

** You may not have the space

** They may require more care than you can give them

** Financially, it isn't an option

** Your personalities have always clashed

** You're not cut out to be a caregiver

First, the space issue. Your parent must have their own bedroom. Some people are fortunate enough to be able to build on an extension on their home. Some have an in-law suite. Which is incredible. Your parents have their own independence but do not feel left alone.

But if none of these fits the bill or you can't make it happen, it's not going to be possible to have anyone move in.

Second reason could be the amount of care they require. What are their medical issues? Are they mobile? Mobile with assistance? Do they have dementia or Alzheimer's disease? These are tough questions. You may want your parent with you but be honest. If they require more care than you can give them, it would be cruel to both parties.

Third...finances. If you are working outside of the home, are they able to be alone? Can you have someone check on them? If quitting your job just isn't an option, this arrangement won't work if they need constant monitoring.

Four...and this is a big one! If whenever you're together, you end up bickering, this will not work. Trust me on that. Family dynamics doesn't change just because you want them to. The stress will kill you.

When you and the family talk about it, it can seem completely do-able. But. If your parent has always driven you crazy, what's going to change now? If you cause your parent grief over anything in the past, it will still be there. You will have to work through it if you go ahead with the move. And I mean you should talk to professionals.

Fifth...You just can't become a caregiver to an aging parent. Of course, it depends on the amount of care they need. Also remember, the aging process won't stop. You'll have to be prepared for all kinds of things to come up in the future.

Then again, we never know what we are capable of until we're faced with a situation. I happened to surprise myself many times over. Don't sell yourself short.

Again, it all depends on the care they need. They may need nursing home care. We all hate to think of that when it happens but we need to do what's best for all concerned. So many variables, so little time. Talk to your doctor. Find any services in your area that can help you reach a decision that is best for all.

Even with the squabbles Mom and I endured over the years, I'd give anything to have her beside me again...

Aids For Independent Living: How To Help Our Seniors' Quality Of Life

2011-01-16T19:06:00.000-04:00

With age and mobility problems comes a variety of issues that can cause daily life to become stressful for our aging parents. Thankfully, there are products we can purchase that can make all the difference in their lives.

Whether they are living in their own home, with you or an assisted living facility, daily activities can become so much more tolerable. If not downright happy!

MedExSupply has everything under the sun possible for aids for independent living. Just click on the banner at the right to view their catalog. Click on Personal Care and then General Living Aids. If you're like me, you'll see some items that will make your own life easier!

Looking After Your Elderly Parents: Become Senior Friendly

2011-01-09T19:22:00.001-04:00

Last month my workplace offered a course on becoming "Senior Friendly". My co-workers knew I'd appreciate us being given the designation as I love my seniors. Having taken care of my Mom until she passed on at 95, I was eager to see what we'd learn.

We were given walkers and with our legs tied together tried to open a heavy door and get outside. We tried to do the same in a wheelchair. None of this was easy at all!

The most heart-touching exercise was wearing glasses to simulate different forms of vision impairment. Mom suffered with macular degeneration. I tried to be empathetic but I know I failed miserably. When I wore those glasses and really understood for the first time how it was for Mom, tears came to my eyes. Now I finally understood and my heart went out to her all over again.

It's hard for younger people not to lose patience. We live in such a hectic, fast-moving time. When we are behind someone in a wheelchair or using a cane or walker, we might begin sighing and fidgeting. Try to be patient!

Nobody asks for any age-related issues to affect their lives. Everyone wants to be vibrant and mobile. And these same things may be affecting us before we know it. Do we want loved ones or strangers becoming angry with us?

I would give anything to have Mom back with me and do things over. With a lot more understanding. But I can't. The best I can do is "pay it forward". So please be patient. And if a "Senior Friendly" course has seminars in your area, think about attending. Have younger people you know consider attending as well.

Life is better for all of us if we could just slow down a little and feel the love toward all people, no matter what their age.

Caring For Aging Parents: What Will The New Year Bring?

2011-01-01T20:48:00.002-04:00

We are starting a new year. None of us have a crystal ball. We start each year with a sense of wonderment and hope. Unfortunately, real life takes hold and memories of warm feelings brought on by the holidays are forgotten.

Worries over aging parents never leave us. As we go about our daily lives, doing our jobs, the thought is always in the back of our minds..."Are Mom and Dad okay?" Whether you live close by or a long way apart, the anxiety can consume us.

For me, my Dad passed away while he was living with Mom in the same house they started their marriage in. Although I constantly checked up on them, Mom was able to take care of most of the load. After he passed, my mother never got over her grief. She depended on me more than ever.

To shorten the story, Mom lived with me for many years until she passed at 95. I don't regret it. Even though there were times I thought I'd lose my mind! (smile)

Which is best? I really don't know. Each of us has to deal with the cards given us. Your aging parents may be still in their own home. Maybe an assisted living facility or nursing home. Close by or miles away. Or living right with you in your own home.

Some of you are part of the sandwich generation. You're taking care of teenagers AND aging parents. That has to be the most difficult!

What will the New Year bring? There will be ups and downs. Perhaps their health will deteriorate. Sadly, this may be their last year on earth. We don't know. But, please look for emotional support wherever it's available. For whatever stage in the process you find yourself.

Take time for yourself. Look after yourself with proper rest and nutrition. These must be your priorities. Losing yourself to look after others will benefit nobody.

Live in the moment. Relish the little things. Take comfort in the smiles, hugs and laughter. When the bad stuff happens, know you are strong and you will conquer whatever is thrown your way.

Life's like that. I wish for you a Happy New Year. Filled with health, love, support, understanding and patience. Bless you all!

Books On Tape: A Blessing For Our Sight Impaired Loved Ones!

2010-12-27T19:24:00.002-04:00

Growing up, I learned to love books from my wonderful Mother. As her sight became impaired because of macular degeneration, she took up reading large-print books. My best memories to this day are finding her new titles from the library to devour.

Sadly, at the end of her life, she had a hard time reading her large print books. That's when she moved to books on tape. Another blessing. She still missed holding that "book" in her hands but at least she had the love of the words.

Don't overlook the library! It's a treasure trove. They have books on tape. You can go to most of their sites and download books to eReaders. You just need a library card.

Your loved one can and should always enjoy their love for reading. The banner on the right, for Audible.com is one of the popular places to get audiobooks. Just click the picture to learn more...

Caregivers: Happy Holidays To All Parents And Their Children!

2010-12-23T23:20:00.000-04:00

As we near Christmas Day, I just want to take this time to wish you all the warmest wishes for the season. I hope all your loved ones can be together. If not, hopefully you'll get a chance to talk with them.

There's nothing like family. Hug them, love them and cherish them. We never know how long we have on this earth. Make every moment count.

And for the New Year, I wish you all health, peace of mind and joyous love!

Slip and Falls: 'Tis The Season...Don't Let It Happen To Your Aging Parents!

2010-12-17T21:18:00.001-04:00

Falling down is no fun. Little kids don't mind it. But we older ones know the damage that can be done. It can happen in a flash. We don't see the black ice. There's a light dusting of snow hiding a patch of ice. Bruised bones are bad enough. But broken bones can be life-threatening to our elders.

My mother hated to see winter. She knew she'd be more confined. She became so afraid after so many falls during her lifetime. I'm not elderly but I've had my share of bad falls on ice. Now I have traction grips for my boots. I cover everything in ice-melter. You could say I'm on high alert.

If your aging parents live with you or handy to you, it's easier to make sure sidewalks and driveways are properly maintained during the winter months. If they live by themselves, make sure they take precautions or arrange for someone to make sure the walkways are clear. And don't forget decking. Those are the absolute worse! I've done more splits on mine than I care to count. Pulled groin muscles are no fun either.

My mother had ice grips for her cane and it gave her so much more confidence in going outside in the winter. I'm almost tempted to start using a cane with ice-grips, myself! Like the one pictured here!

Aging Parents: What To Get Them For Christmas When They Say They Don't Need Anything?

2010-12-12T16:32:00.000-04:00

We know that the one thing our aging parents want for Christmas is for their family to all be together. During the holiday season, many of our elderly silently wonder to themselves, "Will this be my last Christmas?"

We want to make it special for them. If you live a long way from your parents and can't make it to be by their sides, make a special call. If you have a web cam, make use of that. Maybe arrange for your folks to be near one at an appointed time. They'd love to see your face.

If you live nearby, you can be right there to enjoy the warmth of the season with them. If they live with you as my mother did, you're cooking with gas! The companionship means more to them than anything you could give them.

With that said, we love to give Christmas presents. Even though they say they have everything they need, they usually forget about the items that can make their daily lives more comfortable.

Just the task of dressing can be frustrating and painful if you're afflicted with mobility problems. Now there are places online where you can buy adaptive clothing. (See banner above)

If your parent still lives in their own home, medical alert response aids are a life-saver. Literally. (See side banner)

If they're in a nursing home, there are always items that the home may not supply that can be welcomed. Anything from body lotions, lip balm, special pillows, throw, lights, etc. Just visiting with them, and putting yourself in their place, you'll come up with dozens of Christmas gift ideas!

And remember the most important thing to them is your love. Give them a big hug and kiss. Merry Christmas!

Heated Slippers: Cosy Soles Are The Original!

2010-12-06T21:53:00.002-04:00

CosySoles - Heated Slippers for Cold Feet

Heated slippers are the nicest thing to buy anyone of any age. But especially older people are true-blue fans. My Mom always said, "When my feet are cold, I'm cold all over!"

So who can benefit from Cosy Soles heated slippers? Anyone with these problems...

*** Poor peripheral circulation, chronic cold feet

*** Skin disorders, viruses, abrasions, dry skin

*** Foot inflammation, rheumatism, arthritis

*** Tired feet and aches and pains

*** Insomnia, stress

CosySoles Slippers have proven successful in providing relief from the pain of cold feet caused by poor circulation due to . . .

*** Arthritis

*** Muscular Dystrophy (MD)

*** Charcot Marie Tooth (CMT)

*** Raynaud's

*** Scleroderma

*** Lupus

*** Diabetes

*** Multiple Sclerosis (MS)

*** Cerebral Palsy

*** Fybromyalgia

*** Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD)

*** and other peripheral neuropathies

CosySoles - Heated Slippers for Cold Feet

And get this...

Dr. Anne Wirz-Justice did a study that has shown that thermoregulation, the body's heat distribution process, is linked to sleep cycles. Redistributing body heat to the legs and feet can increase sleepiness and help initiate a more restful night’s sleep.

Researchers at the Sleep Laboratory in Switzerland, reported that the degree of blood vessel dilation of the hands and feet are the best predictors for rapid sleep onset. The dilation of blood vessels increases the amount of heat loss. The studies showed that the greater the heat loss, the longer time it took to fall asleep..

Many people who could not sleep because of the pain of cold feet actually wear their CosySoles to bed. We have received many testimonials to confirm the benefits of warm feet and hands!

To see what happy feet people have to say about their Cosy Soles heated slippers, click right here...

CosySoles - Heated Slippers for Cold Feet

Caregiver: Seeing Your Aging Parent The Way They Were

2010-12-04T18:22:00.000-04:00

Caregiving is one of the most demanding roles anyone can undertake. If you are performing as a caregiver now or you know you will be in the near future, there are some techniques you may find useful. The one thing that always helped me when I was feeling stressed or became impatient was this:

Remember your aging parent the way they were.

Before they grew old, they were young. Before their bodies and perhaps their minds turned against them, they were healthy, vibrant and vital. Remember this.

So many of us look at the elderly and see just what's in front of them now. Well, how did they get like this? They lived a long life. They weren't born looking and acting like they are now.

Get out picture albums. Hopefully you have photos from when they were babies, toddlers and growing up. This puts things in perspective! Remember what it was like to be a teenager? They had those same feelings too. They fell in love. They married. They had and loved you. They struggled, laughed and cried.

And on the way, they grew old. We should be grateful. Look at the people who've lost their parents when they were young. That's grief! Our parents don't like what aging has done to their bodies. Imagine what it must feel like. Now they need help.

So when we are frustrated with some detail or feel like caregiving is taking it's toll, go off by yourself for some quiet time and reflect. Think about the person they were before you ever came along.

The way they were...

Seniors In Your Life? Creative Gifts They Really Need And Love Getting!

2010-12-02T21:41:00.001-04:00

Silvert's is the place to shop if you are looking for the perfect gift for the senior on you list.

Find gifts for seniors that have everything! Silvert's offers a variety of gift options for the elderly or disabled. Check out Silvert's Gift Guide to help you find the right present at the right price.

And if you want to send a gift to your loved one? They offer gift wrapping and gift certificates.

Click on the banner at the top of the page to make this holiday special for your beloved senior!

How To Take Care Of Aging Parents and Not Kill Your Siblings

2010-11-29T15:57:00.001-04:00

Christmas is a time of stress. Good stress and bad stress.
Doesn't matter. Our bodies just know it's stress and acts
accordingly.

This also happens to be the prime time for siblings to
bicker. Especially if there are aging parents involved
who are needing more assistance from their grown
children.

"Reports by caregivers indicated that siblings were
overwhelmingly the most important source of interpersonal
stress."

---from a study by sociologists J. Jill Suitor of
Louisiana State University and Karl Pillemer of Cornell
University

Family dynamics undergo a major change when siblings
are called upon to be caregivers to aging parents.
And that can play havoc on the family unit.

One of the major sources of contention is when there isn't
a fair assignment of responsibilities. It's reported that in
99.9 % of cases studied, one of the siblings takes on most
of the work.

What's up with that? Actually, I'm not surprised. I've seen
it happen over and over with families. It always seems to
fall to one of the siblings.

Would it surprise you to know that the primary caregiver
is a woman? Why wouldn't negative feelings crop up among
siblings?

They may have been best friends before. Now they are
adversaries. Why wouldn't they be? For some reason, the
ones who do less are the most favored ones! Of course you
feel like throwing in the towel and walking away from your
whole family!

For those old enough to remember...it reminds me of an old
comedy show called the Smother's Brother's. One brother
would always look at the other with a look of resigned acceptance
and say, "Well, Mom always liked you better!"

So what can you do to survive with your sanity intact?
If it makes you feel better, siblings report that deep down
they are glad they have each other. They look at the "only child"
as being at a tremendous disadvantage.

Things To Do To Keep Siblings From Homicide

***keep everyone informed

***listen to all points of view

***have family conferences

***get counseling when needed

***vent to friends who have walked the talk

***seek help from local caregiving agencies

***learn to function alone if necessary

***benefit from each other's strengths

For siblings who live close to the aging parents,
this is the most helpful. Find each other's niche.
Do the chores based on your likes.
And please love one another. This is truly a case of
"blood being thicker than water".

And best wishes for a stress-free holiday season!

Black Friday Deals All Weekend On Adaptive Clothing

2010-11-25T22:10:00.000-04:00

When a company has been around for 80 years, you know
they are doing something right.

Silvert's have been helping make people's lives easier.
That may sound simple but if you have a medical condition
that affects mobility, it means the world.

If you are in a wheelchair, they make your day. Whatever
your physical problem, Silvert's has the solution to
make your life so much more comfortable. Which in turn
makes the life of the caregiver easier as well!

They are simply the best when it comes to adaptive clothing
for all needs.

Click on the link above to visit Silvert's today!

And Happy Thanksgiving!

Caregiver Burnout: When You've Lost That Loving Feeling

2010-11-20T21:48:00.001-04:00

At this time of year we all seem to be burning the candle at both ends. Life is so busy! And now there's Thanksgiving and Christmas to get ready for! If you are also a caregiver to an aging parent, you're probably feeling more than the usual state of anxiety.

But, please oh please...slow down and take a deep breath. I mean that. You have to. For yourself, okay?

What is a "caregiver"? Someone who is involved in helping someone else manage to carry out the tasks of living. It sounds so simple, doesn't it? For the caregiver, it is anything but easy or simple.

Let's be honest. Being a caregiver is a tough job. Being a caregiver to aging parents is even tougher. Not that we don't love our parents. Of course we do, or trust me, we would not undertake the caregiver role.

It's stressful because of a lifetime of family dynamics. The emotions and memories, happy or sad, have a way of coming to the surface when least expected.

Who knew that providing TLC to loved ones could be this stressful? How stressful is it? Well, caregivers are at an increased risk of depression and burnout.

Symptoms of both tend to mimic each other. One contributes to the other. Sort of the age-old puzzle..."Which comes first? The chicken or the egg?"

~~~Signs of Caregiver Burnout~~~

anxiety
irritability
anger
exhaustion
self criticism
trouble at work
trouble in relationships
substance abuse
feeling overwhelmed
apathy for usual activities
depression

~~~Things To Do For You~~~

always talk with your doctor
vent to support network
speak with therapist
call local senior service organizations
utilize programs to assist caregivers
join support groups
arrange "home care" visitors
get respite care
do not neglect nutrition
try to get at least 7 hours of sleep a night
take time to do something you enjoy
you must find humor in everyday events

Of course, each caregiver's situation is unique. Some may be handling the responsibilities from thousands of miles away. Coordinating and managing elder care over the phone and making visits. Some live near enough to try to run two households.

And, others have one or both aging parents residing with them. Whichever caregiver role you are in charge of, you have to take care of yourself. And I know it's way easier for someone to offer well-meaning advice than it is to carry out.

But you have to try. Depression and burnout are serious conditions. How sad and unfair to have this happen to you when you are trying to make the last years of an aging parent as pleasant as possible.

Aging Parents: When You Are The "Only Child"

2010-11-19T18:05:00.004-04:00

Remember this old joke? It takes place in the Garden of Eden.

Eve looks at Adam and asks, "Do you love me, Adam?"

Adam raises his eyebrows and replies, "Who else?"

Who else, indeed? So is the reality for the "only child". From our earliest memories, we were aware of having the "exclusive contract". The one that states that we are "it". The only one to take care of our aging parents.

What a role to be cast in. Of course, we want our parents to live a long time. Then again, we can't kid ourselves. With aging comes physical decline. Sometimes cognitive impairment. And emotional problems.

For the "only child", there is good news. We don't have to deal with sibling pressures. No arguing about choices or who's right and who's wrong.

If you've ever witnessed the bickering and pettiness that can go on in a family to aging parents, you may be glad to be the only one! Nobody's messing with you!

The bad news is there is absolutely no support. You're going it alone. No emotional support. No financial support. Nobody to take turns.

If you've moved your aging parent into your home, there's no sister or brother to show up so you can get away for rest and rejuvenation.

The "only child" is more likely to be sent on a "guilt trip". This can start at an early age. Depending on when your parents grew up will also determine the extent of the guilt trip.

For aging parents who saw no need for women to "have their own life", daughters can pay a huge price in these family dynamics.

The only child thinks twice about moving far away and having their own life. There are no siblings living near the parents to offer support and companionship. This can be a cause for an undercurrent of resentment. Turned inward, the "only child" suffers depression.

If you are married, you can only hope your spouse is supportive. You may be part of the "sandwich generation". Feeling needed by your kids on one side of you and your aging parents on the other side.

Say you are divorced with no kids, like moi, you are not squeezed into sandwich fixins' by others. But, then again, you are truly alone. And you'd better thrive on independence!

For the only child who is the sole caregiver to aging parents, you must reach out to the social support systems available. If not, you will burn out and be no good to yourself or your loved ones.

Find out about home-care workers in your area. These people are a god-send. Not just for the only child but also to the parent who gets more valuable social contact.

Who else? There are others ready to help. You just have to reach out to them...

Aging Parents: The Guilt Will Do You In!

2010-11-17T20:21:00.000-04:00

My beautiful Mom died in 2006. I'll never get over it.
She lived with me for many years. And I would not have
had it any other way. We were fortunate that she was able
to be with me.

It was right at the end when we knew she would have to
consider a nursing home. I was devastated. She was devastated.
But we were able to be side-by-side up until her last breath.
I'll cherish these memories for the rest of my life!

I'm guilty. I keep thinking of things I could have done that
would have made her life even easier. Guilt is a terrible
thing. It keeps you awake at night. But I did do my best.

Usually it takes so little to make a big difference. Little
things can mean so much. One of the things that brought a
a smile to Mom's face was her reading table. Her laptop
reading table was a godsend!

She used it when she couldn't get out of bed. She used it
when she was up and sitting in her favorite chair. Mom used
her reading/eating tray for everything!!!

I miss my Mom so much but I'm happy for the memories of
watching her enjoy her tray every day of her life!

Looking After Your Aging Parent Over The Holidays

2010-11-11T13:27:00.000-04:00

Christmas is coming. For many it's a joy-filled time.
For many others, it's a painful time.

For our elderly parents, it can go either way. If they are
spending their first Christmas alone, it can be torture.

Maybe this is their first holiday without a beloved
spouse. Maybe they've changed residences. On the
stress scale, these two life events blow right off the
chart.

I was lucky because I was able to have my Mom live
with me right up until her passing. It was a win-win
for both of us.

Maybe you live thousands of miles away from your
loved ones. Now that can be tough.

Remember what is important to your aged parents.
It's not the gifts or decorations. It's all about the emotions
of the holiday.

Visiting with their family is ALL they want, trust me.
Take time and put yourself in their shoes. It's so easy
for these weeks leading up to Christmas to be busy and
stress-filled.

Try to quiet yourselves. Do something special for your
Mom or Dad. Take them somewhere that means a lot
to them.

Before you know it, they too, will be gone...

Snapfon "ez ONE" Cell Phone: Perfect Christmas Gift For Your Elderly Parent

2010-11-10T13:20:00.000-04:00

There's nothing more frustrating for someone with
low vision than trying to place a phone call. There
are enough things to complicate our loved one's lives.

For them to have a phone they can use with ease is a
blessing. Easy to carry around. Easy-to-see numbers.
Making life easier for our parents.

Elder Care: The Perfect Christmas Gift For Your Parent

2010-11-07T00:11:00.000-03:00

I always tried to find the perfect gift for my Mom.
I never knew what would bring a smile to her face.
The year I found the tray, was the year I saw the
biggest smile.

She used it for everything. When she couldn't
get to the table, it was like a slumber party watching
her enjoy eating in her chair or bed.

Being an avid reader, she enjoyed being able to
have her book perched on her tray.

She used her tray for everything! It made my
day to see how much she enjoyed it. For
the perfect gift for you loved one, check out
the gift at Amazon!

Just click on the graphic...

Christmas Gifts For Cold Feet

2010-11-02T19:05:00.000-03:00

Maybe getting slippers for Christmas sounds cliche but
tell that to any of us who have cold feet. As my mother
used to say, "When my feet are cold, I'm cold all over!"

So if your parent wants to feel toasty all over during
the winter months, consider the Dearfoams Women's
Bootie.

I love how they are high enough to surround the ankles
in warmth.

Christmas Depression In The Elderly

2010-10-24T09:27:00.000-03:00

Christmas can be the best of times and the worst of times.
Especially with the elderly. It can be a time they think back
over their long lives. It may be a time that triggers a very
sad time. They may have bad memories such as losing a
loved one.

Chances are, many of their friends have passed on. Put
yourself in their shoes. How would YOU feel? When you
see your loved one is feeling sad, please have patience.

Take time to sit and talk with them. Think of ways to try
and engage their thoughts with new things. Many times a
hug and words of love is all it takes to bring a smile.

Christmas is a tough time for many. I feel it's blown
way out of proportion. Too much expectation. Hey,
it's only one day. Just a day. Yet, it can bring on a
serious depression that begins in October and goes into
the new year.

So unfair. Media and commercialism are to blame. We
think we have to feel a certain way and if we don't, there's
something wrong with us.

In the big scheme of things, what is ONE DAY?
Hug, talk and understand. Just feel love.

Everyday!

How To Improve Eyesight In People Of All Ages

2010-10-18T00:15:00.000-03:00

Does your loved one have any of these
eye problems?

Near-Sightedness (Myopia)

Lazy Eye (Amblyopia)

Cross-Eye (Strabismus)

Macular Degeneration

Eyestrain

Dyslexia

Astigmatism

Hyperopia (Far-Sightedness)

Presbyopia (Old-Age Sight)

Cataract

Glaucoma

Tension Headache

Light Sensitivity

Poor Night Vision

There is a method where even 80 year-olds have
had their eyesight restored to 20/20 vision.

Without surgery. Without eyeglasses.

Improve Eyesight!

Eldercare: How To Watch Over Loved Ones When You're Not At Home

2010-10-03T23:00:00.000-03:00

Get Your Personal Security Cam!

Better late than never...What I wouldn't have
given for this when my Mom was still living!

She was living with me for years before her
death and every minute I was away from her,
I worried.

You know what it's like. You think of all the
things that can go wrong. Even if they never
happen, you still worry. It's the way of the
caregiver.

So if I would have had my hands on something
like this, life would have been so much easier.
I could have checked in on Mom whenever I
felt like it!

Talk about security! Peace of mind!

If you have an elderly parent and you need
to watch over them, take a look at this site.
I'm simply blown away!

Watch Over Loved Ones!

When Elderly Parents Become Depressed During Fall Months

2010-10-03T18:45:00.000-03:00

With the end of summer, you may notice your
elderly parents are showing signs of depression.

During the summer months, they probably were
more active. Visiting friends and family. Getting
out for drives. Perhaps vacations and just enjoying
time outdoors.

If you live in the colder climates, our thoughts
are drifting to winter months. Sure, we love fall.
The humidity has lifted. We like the cooler
temperatures and the colorful leaves.

With those thoughts come the not-so-nice ones.
Spending money to heat our environments.
Snowy roads. Icy walkways. Hey, it causes me
to be depressed!

So our elderly parents are starting to feel cabin
fever set in already. They are sad to look ahead to
becoming less mobile than they were in the
summer months.

Of course, this all has to do with how your
own parents are health-wise. The more dependent
they are, depression is something to watch out for.

Put yourself in their shoes. It just ain't no fun!
Picture how YOU would feel. And please
don't lose patience.

Trust me. They will be leaving you all too soon.

Caring for Aging Parents

2010-09-20T16:22:00.000-03:00

Finally! A guide to help caregivers! I knew if I kept looking,
one would appear. And it is affordable!

Click Here!

Elderly Depression: Coping As The Caregiver

2009-02-08T20:00:00.004-04:00

Today's Help For The Caregiver!

If you are caring for aging parents, a crucial
event you must be on the look out for is depression.

Depression in the elderly is a widespread problem
that is often not diagnosed and frequently under treated.
One of the main reasons is that your aging parent
does not want to admit to having feelings of depression.

But think about it. Is it so unbelievable? What if
you were in the same spot? You watch so many of
your friends die. You may have just lost your
spouse. You can no longer drive your car. Your
mobility keeps you from doing the things you always
took for granted.

Hell, if that doesn't cause depression, what would?
I'm depressed just thinking about it. I watched
my Mom go through depression. Her doctor never
asked. When I finally got a clue (duh) and took her for
an appointment, she was secretly glad. Medication
was prescribed and after a couple of weeks, she felt
so much better.

So don't ask your parent. Chances are they will just
say, "Oh, I'm fine."

Symptoms of depression include:

**Depressed or irritable mood

**Feelings of worthlessness or sadness

**Loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities

**Temper, agitation

**Change in appetite (usually a loss of appetite)

**Change in weight

**Unintentional weight loss (most common)

**Weight gain

**Trouble sleeping

**Daytime sleepiness

**Difficulty falling asleep (initial insomnia)

**Waking up many times through the night (middle insomnia)

**Waking up early in the morning (terminal insomnia)

**Fatigue (tiredness or weariness)

**Difficulty concentrating

**Memory loss

**Abnormal thoughts, inappropriate guilt

**Abnormal thoughts about death

**Thoughts about suicide

Of course, these symptoms can appear in everyone
from time to time. But if several are persistent for
2 weeks, it may be signs of serious depression.

Again, elderly depression may be hard to detect
because symptoms such as fatigue, appetite loss
and trouble sleeping also can be part of the aging
process or a medical condition.

Just keep watch and have them see their doctor.

Today's Help For The Caregiver!

Pharmacists Play Major Role In Caring For Parents

2009-02-05T14:43:00.003-04:00

Taking Care Of Parents!

Pharmacists are my heroes. When I was caring
for Mom, they had my highest respect. There
was even one time, our pharmacist noticed
an error made by her doctor and got right on
the phone and straightened it up. This over-
sight could have been life-threatening.
I love you, Dan!

As a caregiver, you know your aging parents may
be on many medications. Talk with your pharmacist.
They know how medications work better than
your doctor. And they are willing and able to
take the time and answer all your questions.

You have to keep watch for any interaction
between medicines. Especially if a new prescription
is introduced.

Then comes dispensing the medications.

Many elderly patients are on a wide variety of
prescription medications that have to be taken at
multiple times every day. Negative side effects can
occur if a dose is missed or late.

Special pill dispensers that help the caregiver to
remember what times of day a pill should be taken
and how many pills of each type are needed is a big
help. Ask your pharmacist about different specialized
pill dispensers in order to alleviate this problem.

Something that is of particular interest to talk about
with your pharmacist is about the reasons for taking
each medication and what can be expected in terms
of primary and secondary effects.

Doctors sometimes are in such a hurry that they
prescribe something that needs to be given but do not
spend enough time explaining to the patient and to
the caregiver what this medication is for and what
kind of effects it can have. Pharmacists are usually
a really helpful source of this type of information.

Visit your pharmacy at times of the day when it is less
busy, such as early in the morning so that you are sure
to have an uninterrupted conversation with the pharmacist.

Make a list of your questions before you go so that you
are sure to get answers for all of your questions.
Not only should you ask about what the drug is for but
also about how good of a chance there is that the drug
will help in the symptoms that the drug is prescribed for.

Many medications can have a negative effect, either in
combination with the positive effect they are designed
to have or instead of the effect they are supposed to have.

It can also be the case that they work differently in
combination with the other medications a person is taking
than they would work when a patient is not taking any
other medications.

Knowing the dangerous side effects to look for will help
you take good care of your loved one. Regardless of the
side effects that the pharmacist tells you about for a
particular drug, any sudden and severe change in health
or behavior should be discussed with the pharmacist
and the doctor.

Symptoms to look out for are depression, sleep disorders,
Parkinson’s-like symptoms and confusion. Any of these
should be discussed right away in order to reassess
pharmacological needs.

An important tip: Write down on a sturdy index card
ALL the medications your loved one is taking. Keep it
in your possession at all times. Have a copy with your
loved one and any other people who are around your
parents.

That is always the FIRST question asked by medical
personnel in times of emergencies. There was a time
I called the ambulance for Mom. In ER, I was asked
for a list of her prescriptions. In my shock, I drew an
absolute blank. I did not make that mistake again!
Go and do that right now. You'll be glad you did!

Caring for parents when they become elderly is not
easy. Take all the help and information you can get...

Taking Care Of Parents!

How To Balance Work While Caring For Parents

2009-02-04T16:39:00.004-04:00

Balance Your Life While Caring For Parents!

Anyone who has a job and a family knows how
hard it can be. You have to manage both of these
responsibilities.

Now suppose you are a caregiver. If you are caring
for aging parents. Then it can become nearly impossible
to manage everything without going into meltdown!

No longer are you trying to figure out how to deal with
normal work-related stress. Or getting your teenagers
through the hormonal years.

Now you have to make sure your parent is safe and
cared for before you even get to the office. You have to
worry about who is looking after them when you’re not
there.

Or if you’re going to be able to leave the office in time to
relieve the help. Or worrying about them if they stay
alone. You hope for understanding employers. Or a job
where you can take family-related leave. (a godsend
for me)

Most people who are caring for aging parents cannot
afford to give up their jobs. And most of them don’t
want to. If you’ve built up a career, even if it’s not a
financial necessity, it can be difficult to walk away from.

Maybe it is the only thing that gets you out of the house
and keeps you sane and grounded.

Whatever your reason for wanting to balance your job
while you balance your responsibilities as a caregiver,
you should know that it can be done. You just have to
know where to turn for help and be willing to ask for
what you need.

You may be surprised to find out that your biggest ally
may be your employer. Employees have a tendency to try
and hide the fact that they are providing care for someone
from their bosses because they’re worried that they may
get skipped over for promotions and that it might make
them look uncommitted to their work.

In reality, however, most companies are aware that these
circumstances are very common and have programs in place
to try and accommodate their employees who are caring for
a parent.

Your company may have financial assistance programs to
help you hire home help to look after your parent while you
work or to help you pay for adult day care. Your company
may also be able to help you find counseling help or other
support that you need to cope with your new responsibilities.

Even if your company doesn’t have such a program,
you should know that in the US, you are entitled to
take up to 12 weeks leave of absence per year from
your job to care for a sick relative without worry
about losing your job or any of your benefits. The
catch is that the leave is unpaid, so this might not
be a financial possibility for many caregivers.

If you can’t afford to quit working, look into alternative
solutions that might help you juggle your new schedule.
See if your company offers job share programs or if they
can allow you to work from home at least a few days a
week.

See if one of your siblings may be able to get some time
off from their jobs more easily than you to take off some
of the burden. Last but not least, if your company is
completely inflexible and unwilling to work with you,
then you may need to look for a new job.

Millions of Americans care for parents, and many
companies out there are willing and able to accommodate
employees who do so.

After all, with the population aging like never before,
elder care will be as common as child care!

Balance Your Life While Caring For Parents!

7 Signs You May Soon Become A Caregiver To Your Aging Parents

2009-02-03T17:54:00.004-04:00

The Guide To Caring For Parents!

With people living longer, the chances are good
that you will be called upon to be in a caregiving
role for your aging parents.

It's normal to feel overwhelmed when you think
of the responsibility. So what do you look for?
When do you start caring for parents?

Signs to watch for...

1. Your once vibrant dad is now being plagued
with a lot of little health problems. Just enough
to hamper his lifestyle.

2. You find bank statements and unpaid bills
laying on your parents' desk unopened when
they were once really diligent about paying on
time.

3. Loss of interest in the hobbies or regular socializing
your loved one normally does. Could be depression...

4. Regular household chores are not being done
such as mowing the lawn, washing dishes or fixing
a leak in the sink.

5. There is not an adequate food supply present to
feed your ailing parent or they become inattentive
when cooking or baking, burning food. Or burning
themselves.

6. Grooming and hygiene have become slack.

7. Being distracted and inattentiveness in your loved
one.

Keep checking on your elderly parents. If you live
far away from them, make arrangements with a
friend, relative or neighbor to be your liaison.

The Guide To Caring For Parents!

Elder Care: How To Communicate In Your Caregiving Role

2009-02-02T17:44:00.003-04:00

How To Excel As Caregiver!

As a caregiver, there are times it can be difficult
to talk with your loved one, especially if they
have some type of cognitive or hearing impairment.

How do you know if they truly understanding
what you are saying to them? Choosing the right
words and conveying the right message can be
difficult, especially when you are dealing with
their diminished capacity.

Sometimes, there are feelings of frustration both
on your part and theirs which is understandable.
But, remember. Do you think they like to be in
this position. Would you? Keeping that in mind,
you won't lose your patience.

Try these suggestions to make it easier on you,
as caregiver and your care receiver.

* Make sure you have their attention

With mental impairment, your loved one may
become confused if there is too much background
noise or there is another presence in the room.

And if your loved one is hearing-impaired, all the
more important...

* Call them by name

Use their first name, term of endearment (Sweetie or Dear)
or relationship (such as Dad or Mom) and pause for a
moment.

You may have to repeat yourself until they hear
your voice and turn to look at you. Before you
continue to speak, make sure they are engaged
with you.

* Speak clearly

You will want to be face to face with them at eye
level when you talk with them. If they can look
into your eyes and see your lips moving, they are
more apt to clue into what you are saying.

Of course, make sure you enunciate your words, being
careful not to slur. Never occupy your hands with another
task or look around when talking to your loved one. They
will lose concentration and interest.

* Use short sentences

Break up your message into short statements. Just like
with young children, adults with cognitive impairment
may not be able to process a statement with several
directives in it.

* Be kind and gentle

Do not raise your voice to be heard. This can startle or
scare your loved one. Instead, move closer to them,
taking care to respect their personal space.

Do not order or talk at them. Instead, formulate your
wording to make it seem they are doing you a favor by
cooperating.

Ask them for help instead of telling them
what to do. For example, "Can you move your cane so I
can walk without tripping?" or "Please come to the dinner
table; it is time to eat."

* Listen

Be sure to take the time to listen. Just because your
loved one may have some type of mental impairment
does not mean they have nothing to contribute to a
conversation.

You may have to help them when they have trouble
coming up with words to something. Occasionally they
may know exactly what they are talking about but forget
the word for TV or dog. (Hey, this happens to me all
the time!)

When I would lose my patience with Mom, I would
step back and think of the Golden Rule. Simple as
that.

This is no fun for them! Just offer love and kindness.

How To Excel As Caregiver!

Caring For Parents: You Can't Neglect Yourself!

2009-02-01T18:20:00.004-04:00

Taking Care Of Parents & Yourself!

Caregiving is a tremendous responsibility.
When you're providing care to aging parents,
it's even more so.

Like so many experiences, no one can really
appreciate the work involved unless they have
walked in your shoes.

And don't forget the physical and emotional
toll acting as a caregiver will take on you.
In order to provide good care to your loved
one, you have to take good care of yourself.
This means NOT putting your own needs
last.

This is the hard part, I know. But if you are
not at your best, you simply can not give your
aging parent the care they deserve.

And don't feel guilty! Strange coming from me.
I still feel guilty and Mom passed away in 2006!
In this case, learn from my mistakes.

It's okay to admit that taking care of parents
can be a burden. There are family dynamics
at play. Any issues of the past have a way of
popping up while dealing with elderly parents.

Admit to yourself that you can’t do everything alone.
You need to have the time and space to take of
yourself.

It wasn't until things got really bad for me that
I finally opened up to my doctor. That was when
he initiated home care. Talk about a blessing.

There are also support groups out there you
could join. I realize this may mean having someone
stay with your parent, but so be it. Consider
talking to a therapist as well.

Get other family members or friends on board
so you can get a much needed break. Ask them
to help you cook dinners. Ask them to come over
and sit with your family member for awhile so you
can get out and visit friends, do some shopping, see a
movie – whatever you enjoy doing.

If there are siblings involved, they will stop assuming
that you’ll shoulder the responsibility all alone and step
up and take some of the burden off of you more and more.

If there simply isn’t anyone you can ask for help, then
carve out time for yourself the best way you can.
Get frequent exercise, carve out a time in the day
where you get to do whatever you want, even if you
simply spend some quiet time reading or taking a bath.

Likewise, give yourself a break on the little things. Hire
a cleaning team, or evaluate whether or not you’re doing
more housekeeping than you need to. Find a good takeout
service that you can use when you need a break from
cooking. Don’t take on additional favors for family and
friends – learn to say no.

Caregivers have a history of falling into depression,
alcohol abuse and other problems. You need to look
after yourself so you stay healthy. It may feel selfish to
you at the time but every break you take is an act of
love for the person you care for – you need to feel your
best to treat them with the compassion and care you
want them to have.

Caregiver stress is a major problem. Nip it in the bud
before it gets the best of you.

Taking Care Of Parents & Yourself!

Aging Parents: Know Your Caregiver Options

2009-01-31T16:50:00.003-04:00

The Guide To Looking After Aging Parents!

We are the sandwich generation. We look after
our kids. Then we may find themselves in the
situation of caring for an aging parent. Or both
of them.

If you are a caregiver for elderly family members,
there are options available. First you must access
your own situation.

As hard as it is, sometimes the best and only
option is for the aging person to go into a care
facility.

If your aging parent is bed-ridden, you'll find
it extremely difficult to care for them on your
own.

If they have dementia or Alzheimer's disease,
you will need to be with them all the time, given
the degree of the illness. This can wear you out
and cause you to become ill.

However, in less severe cases, it may be possible to
arrange for the person to stay at home by adding
a few home health care options into the person’s life.

One of the major decisions is where the elderly parent
will live. For many working adults, it is much easier
to take care of an elderly parent if they agree to move
into the son or daughter’s home.

My Mom and I were very lucky. There were times it
looked like a care facility was on the horizon but we
pulled through. I was able to continue working and
she was quite happy.

We also made use of home care in the last 3 years.
This service was free to us in our area. (based on
income)

At the end, I took vacation time to spend with Mom
until she passed away. It was a blessing that I'll
always cherish.

So you see, many people can continue working and
spending time with their families as well as taking
care of an elderly parent.

Depending on the health and independence of the
aging parent, different amounts of extra help might
be needed. It may be the case that the parent can
be home alone all day but if that is not the case,
there are plenty of organizations and people to turn
to in order to get some help and support in the
caregiving process.

One option is to find an adult day care center where
healthier elderly people can go during the day in order
to socialize and stay active with other people.

At such a day care facility, people play games, listen to
music together, organize trips and have lunch as a
group. For most elderly people, this is much preferred
over sitting home alone every day.

Many aging people are not amenable to the idea of an
adult day care center, but do remind them that they
won’t know if they like it or not until they’ve tried it.
Most elderly people who go to such a center end up
being huge fans of the arrangement.

If your aging parent is not in good enough condition
to go to a recreational adult day care center, you could
also check to see if there’s a center in your area that
includes health care.

Such centers exist, they are just fewer and far between.
These care centers are an excellent option for having
an aging parent taken care of during the day while you
are at work without having to put them into a nursing home.

Home care is also an option, although it offers fewer
social benefits for the aging patient. Home care can either
take on the form of medical care brought into the home
or it can be as simple as hiring someone to come over an
hour before lunch to do a little cleaning, having lunch with
the aging parent and then cleaning up, visiting for a while,
and then going on their way again.

Mom had her home caregiver bathe her. Then they
would stay awhile and talk with her. She loved them
and it lightened things for me. A win-win!

Depending on the type of home care that is necessary,
the range in price is huge. Home health care can get very
expensive very quickly, but having a local come over
for a few hours every day can be very affordable and
produce significantly satisfying results.

Talk with your aging parent to get a feel for what it is
that they would like to do in terms of getting their needs
met without moving to a nursing home.

Also, talk to your siblings and other family members
to see what everyone else thinks and to see if anyone is
willing to help. For many families, the constraint of cost
makes it necessary to keep all of the adult caregiving
within the family.

If one person does all of the caregiving, it grows very
stressful and very tiring, but if ten family members each
spend two hours a week, you might all enjoy it so much
that you’ll never want to hire home care!

So know your options, check around your area and you
will find the help you need in looking after aging parents...

The Guide To Looking After Aging Parents!

How To Care For Aging Parents Without Killing Your Siblings

2009-01-29T22:47:00.005-04:00

The Caregiver's Guide For Today's Families!

My mother lived with me until she passed away.
As an "only child", I often wished for a brother or
sister to shoulder the burden.

But then I realized that could bring on its own
set of problems. Although it was tough at times,
I didn't have the worries I've witnessed others
having to endure.

Coping with looking after your aging parent
is difficult enough on its own. If there is conflict
between siblings, it can be hell on earth.

These kinds of conflicts can really escalate when a
parent requires long term care and someone needs
to step in and take on the role of caregiver.

The types of conflicts that come up differ from
family to family, depending on several different
factors but it is important to know in advance that
caregiving is potentially troublesome for sibling
relationships. And how!

So if you can get a handle on things in the beginning,
it will be one less burden to carry during this difficult
time.

The number one issue for siblings when it comes to
caregiving roles is who is going to take on what
responsibilities. The way this problem manifests
itself, however, depends largely on the kind of
relationship each sibling has with the parent and
with each other.

Let's face it. Some people are just plain selfish.
I've watched families where there seems to be
only ONE that does all the work. But the others
take credit!

If the family is close and each sibling has a close
relationship with the parent involved, then the
conflict may come up as rivalry.

Siblings may compete with who will provide the
primary care for the parent, especially if the
decision is made that someone will either have to
move in with the parent or have the parent move
into their home.

The opposite problem will occur if the siblings
and parents are not close. A history of bad feeling
and estrangement between the siblings and the
parent may leave the siblings arguing over which
one of them has to provide the care, as neither of
them wants to get too involved.

That situation is the saddest. For the parents and
their children...

There is, of course, a middle ground to this issue
and that is the one where one sibling is the clear
choice to be the caregiver and the other siblings
remain involved on a limited basis.

This situation can actually cause more resentment
on the part of the caregiver than any other, as they
may feel unduly burdened by taking on everything
themselves. They cannot see a good reason why
their siblings are not helping.

Understanding that your brother and mother do
not get along and he remains uninvolved in her care
is one thing.

Seeing your brother breeze into town and stop by
to say hello to your mother for 20 minutes on his
way out of town on vacation when you haven’t
been able to so much have a cup of coffee with a
friend in months is quite another thing and much
harder to take.

These problems don’t have to happen with you
and your siblings if you’re ready to plan for them
in advance. Anticipate the bumps in the road and
try to avoid them.

The most important thing you can do is make
sure that everyone is involved in every decision
that relates to the care of the parent.

Not only will this help make sure no one feels left
out, it will also give everyone a very clear picture
of what exactly the caregiver has to deal with, so
they may be more willing to jump in and help.

Another big help for siblings is to devise a schedule
that meets everyone’s needs. Everyone is likely
to have different levels of availability to provide
care.

You should split up responsibilities as much as
possible. Siblings who live out of town may be
called on to contribute financially more while
those in town can help with doctor’s visits,
cleaning and so on.

For siblings, realizing a parent requires caregiving
is a daunting discovery. The best way to make sure
the parent gets what they need while the sibling
relationships are protected is to make sure the
communication doors are always open.

For more help with one of life's most important
and yes, difficult situations, check out...

The Caregiver's Guide For Today's Families!

6 Things To Think About For The New Caregiver Of Aging Parents

2009-01-28T19:28:00.003-04:00

The Ultimate Guide For Today's Caregiver!

Your caregiver role may be thrust upon you without
much warning or you have slowly slid into it. Either
way, the role of adult caregiver can be overwhelming.

It can cause feelings of isolation, anxiety, sadness,
trepidation, frustration and even resentment. (Then
of course, those emotions bring on guilt.)

These feelings are normal and not at all uncommon
and you can expect them to come and go throughout
your tenure as a caregiver. With these feelings also
come positive moments of appreciation for the person
you are caring for, compassion and understanding.

Every caregiving situation is unique due to various
circumstances but there are various strategies to help
you cope through the times ahead that are universal.

If you find yourself in that adult caregiver role, you
should arm yourself with as much information as possible
so that you can not only learning coping skills but also
create a plan of action which includes alternatives for
anything unanticipated.

6 all-purpose strategies that can help:

1. Establish the groundwork for your caregiving role
so that you can adequately make the necessary
decisions.

Talk with all parties involved from the loved one
you are caring for as well as your siblings and other
family members and even social agencies who may
help in providing care.

You need a clear picture of when the problems started
occurring and in what frequency. This information will
help in preparing a treatment plan.

2. Meet with your loved one's doctors and ensure your
loved one has a comprehensive examination to test
emotional, physical and mental health.

You need to know everything in order to conduct your
caregiving duties effectively. Educate yourself in regards
to what you can expect as your loved one deteriorates
so that you know when and how to react when caregiving
needs change.

3. Assess your loved one's needs and determine
whether they can still live alone with daily help and
intervention or whether they need to move in with you.

Their daily habits will need to be scrutinized. Things
such as:

*Personal care like eating and grooming
*Household chores like cooking, cleaning and
paying bills on time
*Health management such as taking medications
properly and even whether they can be safe by
themselves or maintain personal relationships.

4. Create a plan that addresses the assessment you
have made regarding your loved one. You may have
to hire an adult caregiver during the day so you can
work or find an adult day care.

You might have to give up your job to care for them
full-time or perhaps they could still live alone but you
need to hire a companion to assist them.

Hospitals, social work agencies and even governmental
entities can help you cope with these decisions.

5. Evaluate your finances and that of your loved one.
What type of care can they afford? Does insurance cover
it?

Will you have to pitch in financially? You might have
to consult with a lawyer to outline all the financial assets
your loved one has as well as possibly draw up any legal
papers granting your rights should your loved one not
be able to make decisions any longer.

6. Whether your loved one can still live at home or has
to move in with you, there are likely safety issues you
have to deal with.

For physical infirmities, you will likely have to make
plans to accommodate a wheelchair or install handicap
implements such as a chair in the shower, rails for
hallways and stairs and more.

For cognitive issues, you might have to remove anything
that could be potentially harmful such as knives, knobs
on the stove so it cannot be used, fire-related devices
and you may even have to install an alarm system so
that they cannot wander off and get lost.

The Ultimate Guide For Today's Caregiver!

How To Prevent Caregiver Burnout

2009-01-26T20:35:00.005-04:00

The Ultimate Caregiver's Guide For Today's Families!

Being a caregiver is the ultimate way to show
love, kindness and devotion to a loved one in
need.

At some point in time, a family member will
need assistance with daily living and you will
have to step into the adult caregiver role –
perhaps to care for an elderly parent.

As the general population is growing older
and living longer, there is an escalating need
for adult caregiving and many families step
into that role to fulfill that need.

While caregiving can be rewarding, it is a role
that is also fraught with anxiety, fear, fatigue,
stress and yes, resentment. And...oh, the guilt
that comes whenever you feel resentful!

The possibility of burnout is quite high in adult
caregivers and as a result, there are steps that
should be taken to ensure that not only is your
loved one well cared for but that you are as well.

If you are not happy and are stressed and tired
all the time, how will that translate to your
caregiving role?

Half the battle is recognizing that you are close
to burning out and the other half is doing
something about it.

You have to recognize that your own physical,
emotional and mental health is just as important,
if not more, than your loved one. If you collapse,
what help will you be to anyone?

Plus, you have to know when to ask for help and
not be shy about it. Here are some important
caregiver tips to prevent burnout:

1. Research your options for temporary long-term
and short-term care when you need to take a vacation,
a long weekend away or if you have to leave for an
emergency.

There are many agencies that offer in-home care
or companion assistance, just as there are facilities
that accept short-term patients should your loved
one require constant care. Have these alternate
caregivers waiting in the wings should you need them.

2. Schedule regular time away from your caregiving
role. Enlist the help of siblings, friends and neighbors
who can effectively watch over your loved one so that
you can take a break whether it is going to the movies,
going on a long walk or having a date night with your
spouse.

3. Join a support group through church, on the
internet or even through a local agency. Commiserating
with other people going through the same thing can
greatly help your state of mind. (I would have lost
my mind if not for being able to vent to friends who
truly understood) This does NOT mean you don't love
the care receiver!

Knowing those feelings of anger and frustration are
normal definitely help diminish feeling guilty as well.
Plus, you may learn new ways to cope or find help
that you did not think of before.

4. Indulge in a hobby or something to take your
mind off matters. Gardening, cross stitching, walking,
listening to music and other activities can greatly
help divert your attention away from your stress
and give you a sense of well-being, sort of like
recharging your internal batteries to be able to
cope with your caregiving role more effectively.

5. Find time every day to pamper yourself so
that you have something to look forward to. It
may be waking 30 minutes early to savor a
gourmet cup of coffee in peace or soaking in a
hot tub full of bubbles.

Perhaps it is those precious minutes of reading
time while your loved one sleeps. Whatever
unravels those internal knots, if only for a little
while, is what you should do each day.

Always remember – it is not selfish to want
to be alone and it is ok and perfectly normal
to feel frustrated and angry about your situation.

You will realize many rewards in caregiving
such as getting to know your loved one more
but those rewards do come at a price sometimes.

By taking care of yourself first, you will be able
to take care of your loved ones more effectively
and efficiently.

The Ultimate Caregiver's Guide For Today's Families!

Taking Care Of Your Parents When The Time Comes

2009-01-25T17:13:00.003-04:00

This is a subject close to my heart. You see,
my Mom lived with me until she passed away
in May 2006. It only seems like a few months
ago. I miss her more today than when she first
died.

A Caregiver's Guide!

That may have to do with the fact I'm divorced
and liked to say Mom and I were side-kicks. So
now a vital part of me is gone. Being an "only child",
makes me feel like an orphan.

This is not to say that looking after aging parents
is easy. It's not for everyone. But there are many
facets to this life event.

You may live thousands of miles from your parents.
You have to coordinate things from a distance.

You may have siblings and in a perfect world, you
agree on how to take care of your aging parents.

You may live close by. You may be able to have
an aging parent live with you in your own home.

You may decide to live with them and take care
of them.

So if you are faced with eldercare issues, you have
my prayers. I only wish I would have had more
resources when Mom and I were together.

As I look back, I know I could have done things
better. Yes, guilt is always a part of it. Especially
for daughters! But that's another story!

Today I found something that warmed my heart.
I only wish I would have come up with it!

Take a look to see if it could give you some peace
and understanding as you face the inevitable...

A Caregiver's Guide!

Looking After Aging Parents: You Are Not Alone

2009-01-20T23:17:00.005-04:00

Many times I needed help when caring for my Mom
but didn't know where to turn. As an "only child",
I had my share of mini-meltdowns behind my bedroom
door.

Mom is gone now but looking back I am thankful I was
able to have her live with me until the very end. Being
lucid at 95 is something I don't think I'll be able to say!

There are so many areas to looking after aging
parents. Issues that must be faced and dealt with.

The Eldercare Team is just such a place. I wish I
would have found it when I needed it!

Click on the link at the top of this page to learn
more. Good luck and Godspeed!

Caregivers Who Need To Supplement Income

2008-10-21T13:20:00.003-03:00

Easy Way For Caregivers To Supplement Their Income!

Even if you are a 24/7 caregiver, you need a respite.
For caregivers who have left their jobs to look after
an aging parent, these economic times have left many
wondering what's to become of them.

Some caregivers work part-time while having an
elderly parent live with them. (this was my case)

Whatever the circumstances of your caregiving
situation happens to be, money always seems to
be in short supply.

And finding a way to increase the household income
is a godsend. I've known several people who have
provided businesses in their area with vital
information and got paid to do it.

This may be an idea that would work for you in
your caregiver world...

Easy Way For Caregivers To Supplement Their Income!

Stress Relief For Caregivers

2008-10-19T00:04:00.003-03:00

Caregivers have a very stressful life. Yes,
you love the care receiver. But, if any of
you have cared for someone who is ill or
an aging parent, you know what I'm talking
about.

It is so important that you don't neglect your
own health. You must do whatever it takes
to keep stress under control.

If you need to get someone in to look after
your care receiver so you can take five, then
so be it.

Take a walk. Work in the garden. Meditate.
Visit friends. Read. Listen to music. Just BE!

How Caregivers Can Find Work From Home Jobs

2008-05-06T22:17:00.003-03:00

Mom will be gone 2 years this month and I still think
how much easier it would have been if I would have
been able to have had a work from home job...

Thankfully, she didn't need me full time until the
end and I was able to take a leave from work. Not
everyone is in that position.

If you are a caregiver who must be at home but
still would like a way to have a job and still be
available for your loved one, there now are answers.

I think this is a godsend. There are legitimate
work from home job opportunities for all skills
and qualifications.

I'm sure you will be able to find something on this
work from home job bank that will fit your lifestyle
and needs. Something right for you and your family.

Good luck!

Make Money Online! Visit the Internet's Leading Work From Home Job Bank.

Aging Parents and The "Only Child"

2008-02-29T20:54:00.005-04:00

Can you say "only child" and "guilt"? Hmmm,
you're feeling guilty, aren't you?

My Mom passed away in May 2006. I'm still
guilty! And I worry. About everything. I used to
think I'd outgrow it. I'm still waiting. And I'm OLD!

Seems to me I had these same emotions when I
was 10 years old. That's when I knew. That I was
the one they were going to depend on "in their
old age".

We "only children" have it both good and bad.

There are no siblings to argue with over what should
be done for our parents and who is going to do it. Good!
There are no siblings to share the load and give you
a hug and emotional support we so desperately need
at this time. That's bad!
Then when we have to say the final "Goodbye", we
go home alone. If you have a partner or children of
your own, they become your lifeline.

If like me, you're divorced/no kids, you are alone.
This is why for the "only child", you must look for all
available help. Call every agency in your area and find
out what services are there for you and your aging parent.
You may be very surprised.

I waited too long. Thought I could do it all myself. But
as Mom became more feeble and unable to do things
for herself, it was heaven to have the help provided in
the community. Don't wait. Even if you don't need help
right now, at least check them out. They will guide you.
So when you both need outside assistance, it's there for you.

Here are two resources you may find right for you...

The CareGiver Community

Grieving Process: How Can Anyone Really Help?

2008-02-24T15:38:00.003-04:00

Grieving...The hardest part of life's certainties.

If we live and love, we will grieve. Even if the
person we grieve for happens to die at 100, we
always wish for just one more good-bye.

Of course, the absolute worst grief comes when
a parent has to grieve their child. If the child is
stricken with a disease or dies in an accident, it's
horrendous enough. When a child is murdered...
how does anyone ever wrap their minds around that?

I've been fixated on the grieving process, especially
in these last few weeks. A 12 year old child from our
community was murdered. Even people who never
even met her are now in the grieving process.

If someone we know are grieving, how can we help?
How can we help ourselves? When my Mom passed
away, the most comfort to me was just to be hugged.

Or having a phone call, knowing someone cared enough
to let me talk my feelings out. No matter how much
time passes, those gestures are always remembered
by the person in grief.

But many find it hard to comfort someone. They don't
want to say or do the wrong thing. So they do nothing.

If you are at a loss of how to help someone who has
lost a loved one, please...just give them a long substantial
hug.

Being part of this community that is now reeling from
this child's murder, has caused me to look for some
sort of help.

"Is There Anything I Can Do?" is a beautifully written
guide to understanding what to do to help someone
you know and love through the grieving process.

If you'd like to take a look...
Click Here!

And remember, never turn away because you're afraid.
Open your arms and gather them to you. Our town is
doing a lot of that since February 14th....

Caregivers and Feeling Alone

2008-02-10T17:04:00.000-04:00

The CareGiver Community

Being a caregiver can be a very lonely time.
Your friends may not even know what you're
going through or dealing with.

Sometimes we feel we should be able to handle
it all on our own. But, this can lead to depression.

As more and more people are becoming caregivers
because of the aging population, thankfully, there
are people out there who care enough to offer
help and "community".

The CareGiver Community

When I was my Mom's caregiver, I didn't know
about this wonderful, supportive site shown to
me by my dearest friend.

You'll want to visit this site if you are caring for
an aging parent, a child, a family member,
whomever!

If I could have my mother back and do it all
again, I wouldn't try to go it alone. I would make
use of all the help available. I would have been
happier and healthier. And I know it would have
been an added blessing to Mom.

Don't live with my regrets. It will be too late,
all too soon.

The CareGiver Community

Happy New Year To All Caregivers!

2008-01-01T22:02:00.000-04:00

To everyone who drops by here, I want to
wish you a Happy New Year! Maybe you've
read an article of mine somewhere and that
led you here to my little blog.

(If you wanted to read more posts concerning
caring for aging parents, just scroll down the
page.)

I thank each one of you who took the time
out of your hectic days to visit. And, I know
how hectic they are. At the risk of sounding
sappy...I wish mine were like that again.

Because I miss my Mom. Even the bad times.
Which when we were going through them, I
never thought I'd say! Funny, isn't it?

So for 2008, I wish the best for all of you.
Reach out and take the help that's out there
for you. You simply can't do it all yourself.

When someone offers to help you, take them
up on it, please!

Look after yourself. That's the most crucial
thing of all. Because as a caregiver, you're
body is enduring things you are not even
aware of at the time. You just do it.

May this coming year fill you with a new
sense of peace, tolerance and understanding.

Exaggerate the good times. Minimize the hard
times. Give hugs. And, for pity's sake GET
HUGS. We need the human contact. What
else matters?

Tell your mother, father or whoever it is
you are showing your love and concern for,
"I love you."

Love and blessings for 2008!
-Karen

Driving and the Elderly

2007-12-29T20:14:00.000-04:00

Driving. Whoa, boy!

This is one explosive topic to handle. For
one thing, when someone has to give up
driving, they lose independence. Many
will fight the mere mention of it. Then,
some elders are so self-aware, they know
themselves when it's time to toss the keys!

We've all heard the horror stories of the
senseless accidents involving elderly drivers.
Pressing the accelerator, claiming they
thought it was the brake, etc.

Right in my hometown, an elderly driver
plowed into a department store front,
killing a Christmas shopper. Both families
were left totally devastated. The guilt
suffered by those who were well aware
of the limited ability of the driver have
to live with the knowledge the rest of their
lives.

The fact is that many elders are at higher
risk for driving accidents. We have to
monitor the situation.

Driving ability is affected by...

1. Hearing loss

Impaired hearing comes on gradually. A
senior may miss hearing honking, sirens
or children.

2. Vision loss

Depth perception and judging speed of
oncoming traffic are affected with age.
Night vision worsens and eyes are more
sensitive to sunlight and glare.

3. Mobility

Full range of motion is needed for operating
a motor vehicle. Flexibility decreases with
age. Chronic conditions limit mobility.

4. Medications

Side-effects increase driving risk.

5. Drowsiness

Older people sometimes don't sleep well
at night. This causes drowsiness during the
day and many doze off behind the wheel.

6. Dementia and brain impairment

Probably the cause of most accidents. Driver
becomes confused and frustrated. They have
delayed reactions or simply forget driving
mechanics. (happened to my father)

In a perfect world, drivers of all ages would
know when they should quit driving. Since
that's not the case, the caregivers have to
keep watch. Our elders may think we're
being cruel. They may hate us for a time
but it has to be done. For their benefit as
much as everyone else crossing their path.

-Karen

P.S. Elder care experts speak of their
specialties here...

http://www.clickaudit.com/goto/?64435

Loved Ones and the Cherished Memories

2007-12-23T18:23:00.000-04:00

OK, we're two days from Christmas.
Nothing to it...

A good friend visited this afternoon who
lost her father just a couple days after
Mom died. (her Dad and Mom were good
friends, as well) Anyway, we were bringing
up good memories of Christmases-past and
having a chuckle.

One of my favorite memories of Mom is the
Christmas she decided to crochet sachets
filled with potpourri for our friends. They were
beautiful. All different colors, all decorated
differently. No two were alike.

I went to the craft store and found decorations
to sew on the sachets that matched the receiver's
personality, hobbies or life in some way. One
gardener had tiny shovels, watering cans and
flowers on hers. You get the picture...

Anyhow! There was a very special person in
my life at that time. Mom liked him too! She
wondered if he'd like one. Sure! Only trouble,
I picked black as the color for the bag.
(I love black) I wasn't thinking...

Mom had macular degeneration. Her eyesight
was failing badly. When I noticed it was taking
much longer to crochet this black bag compared
to the many others, I asked her about it. First,
she didn't want to say. She was so determined!

Then she confessed. It was extremely hard for
her to SEE to work with the black crochet cotton.
I felt terrible! Forget about it, I told her. No way.
She was going to complete this work if it took her
until Valentine's Day. And, she did.

I never told my friend how much love and care
went into the creation of his special gift. I was so
proud of her at the moment she proudly held it up.
"It's finished!" she said with a beaming smile. And
it was finished in plenty of time...

Thank you, Mom! I'll never forget what you did
that Christmas. How touched everyone was who
were special enough to receive one. They all still
talk about theirs. I will cherish mine forever.

The special friend? I couldn't tell you how he feels.
I don't know. He decided I was not special enough
to be in his life. Although he'll always be in my heart.
I hope, if he still has his gift from the heart, he can
look at it and feel good, if only for a moment in time.

Hold and cherish the good memories. Forget the bad ones...

Merry Christmas!
Love,
-Karen

Holidays and the Elderly

2007-12-22T14:20:00.000-04:00

CHRISTMAS!

It's supposed to be the most wonderful
time of the year. For those lucky people
who can say it is the best time of the year,
count your blessings.

For many, sadly it is the most terrible
time of the year. You only have to witness
the suicide rate over the holidays.

It tracks the same with our elderly loved ones.
My heart breaks for those who need to live
in nursing homes and family members are too
far away to visit.

Dedicated staff try their best to bring joy
into their patients' lives but most residents
will say they long for a visit from a son or
daughter.

I was way fortunate than most. My mom
was able to live with me right up until she
passed on. This will be the second Christmas
without her. Since I'm divorced and don't
have children of my own, it's sad. I wish
she were here so I could watch her do her
favorite thing. Opening her Christmas stocking!
What joy shone in her eyes!

I always watched for signs of depression with
her. Dad's favorite time of year was Christmas
and Mom would be sad thinking of all their
Christmases together. But, she had me and
many wonderful friends.

We have to keep close watch, all year really
but especially during holidays and anniversaries
to ensure our elderly loved ones get help
before they slide into depression. Sadness is
normal. Depression is heart-wrenching for
everybody.

Since everyone seems to get busier and busier
each year, sometimes it's easy to forget how
aging parents are doing. Especially if they are
all alone.

Trust me on this. When they are no longer
with us, it's not the insane hustle and bustle
of getting ready for Christmas that we
remember.

It will be the memory of our loved ones. It
will be the memories of all our Christmases
together. From children up until their deaths.

There's only one thing that is important in
this life. And that's love. Unconditional love.
If you live close enough to get to your aging
parent's side, do it. To heck with last-minute
shopping. You've already bought enough.
Nobody will see that speck of dirt on the floor.
People will be adding more, for sure. As for the
dust bunnies, I say throw tinsel on them!

If your parents don't have trouble with mobility,
but are unable to drive, get them around to visit
their friends. If they can't go out safely, especially
if there's ice or snow-covered walkways, go
to them.

Throw an open house for their friends to come
to them. Yes, it all takes time. But think about
this. You may go to a Christmas party hosted
by someone you don't even like very much.
Which is more important in the big scheme of
things?

Sometimes with Mom and I, the best times
were when we just sat side by side. We didn't
even have to talk. Maybe we'd read. Or she'd
crochet. It was just the "being together" that
made all the difference. We both felt loved.

So please take the time to love your elderly
loved ones. Spend precious time with them.
It could be the one thing you do that actually
keeps depression away.

Nothing is sadder than seeing anyone suffer
with depression. Especially our elderly.

I wish you all a love-filled Christmas and the
ability to create more magic memories. When
they are no longer on this earth, it's the only
thing we have of them.

Merry Christmas Everyone!
Merry Christmas Mom. I hope you get
the biggest, brightest red sock, ever!

Love,
-Karen

P.S. For those who would like to learn how
to cope with the pressures and concerns of
caring for aging parents, here's help from
eldercare experts at...

http://www.clickaudit.com/goto/?64435

Caring For Aging Parents: Watch Your Back!

2007-12-10T18:44:00.000-04:00

If you're a caregiver, you have to watch your back!
Literally, I mean. The first thing to give me trouble
was my back. Now my mother was not a heavy
woman by any means. And over the years, she
became even tinier! (I could use some shrinkage
now)

Some people may only think of your back giving
out if you're a caregiver for someone who is
bedridden. And you're lifting all the time. Not so!

We don't stop and think about what we actually
do everyday and how it can affect our backs.

For one example, if you care for someone with
balance problems. Funny. The one thing I miss
not having Mom anymore is I seem lopsided!

Whenever we went outside she had a firm grip
on my arm. Many times I had my arm around her.
She was my sidekick!

Think of the side and back strain you acquire after
years of leaning in that direction! Thank heavens
for wheelchairs and rollators!

Bathing is another concern. Before we used a
shower chair, I'd be helping her in and out of the
tub. You're so worried about them slipping, you
push your back beyond what you would do for
anyone or anything else.

It doesn't help when you're told to bend at the
knees when you are leaning over the bathtub.
Bend at your knees at the wrong time and the
care receiver goes flying. Or dunking.

All activities play havoc on your back. You won't
notice it right away but if you become laid up---
what then?

I know it's easier said than done but a caregiver
MUST take good care of themselves. Even a rush
job is better than nothing.

I found stretching to help. It sounds too simple but
it works. Especially if it's the lower back that's
killing you.

Lay on your right side at the edge of your bed. Bring
your left leg up, knee bent and pull it toward you.
Really s-t-r-e-t-c-h. This is why you're at the very
edge of the bed. As you pull your leg toward you, it
will be off the side of the bed to get the best stretch.

Repeat on other side. I don't think I've explained this
very well. You should feel a loosening in the lower
back tension. You will look like a pretzel. You may
fall to the floor at first but it helps.

Any stretching will help. If you don't have the
time to do much of anything else, that is.

(Now if only I could draw!)

Back to the bathing part again. We would have
totally been lost without the shower chair and
the long-hosed, hand-held shower! A true
lifesaver in our day to day life.

And don't forget the tub supports. You can
find all kinds. The one I used was easily installed
(by me!) and was sturdy beyond belief. It clamped
over the side of the tub and was screwed in place
by a large PVC knob.

So, if any "other people" tell you to just
bend at the knees, tell them to "BACK OFF!".
You don't want to mess with a caregiver!

Blessings,
-Karen

Caregivers: When There's Not Enough Money

2007-12-08T21:56:00.000-04:00

There were times Mom and I had it rough
financially. Unexpected things would come
up and they always seemed to take money.

This got me thinking of other caregivers.
There are many in the so-called "sandwich
generation".

On one side of them are their teenagers and
the other their parents who need them more
with each passing year. We all know how much
money it takes to provide just the necessities
for a family, much less luxuries!

And if you happen to be divorced and doing it
all alone, there are times you truly feel abandoned.

If being a caregiver means you have an aging parent
living with you and you can't work outside the home,
it can be difficult.

I came across something today that I would have
given anything for many years ago. It is a way
to make money at home. A legitimate way to make
money. A real home based business opportunity.

One in which you have flexibility in the hours you
choose to work. Now of course this would depend
on the health of your parent. And to what degree
you have to be "on watch".

Obviously, it would be impossible if you were taking
care of an Alzheimer's patient. But, then again, you
and only you know what is possible in your given
situation.

The other requirement is to have a "quiet room"
to do this job. No barking dogs or loud teenagers
when you are "at work". You have to be professional.

If this sounds like something you'd like to look into,
you can learn more about it right here...

http://www.clickaudit.com/goto/?86026

For many caregivers, we get so wrapped up in
other people, we forget how to look after ourselves
and our own needs. Caregiver burnout is one thing
a caregiver has to be aware of at all times.

Best wishes,
-Karen

Grieving The Holidays

2007-12-03T12:49:00.000-04:00

This is the second Christmas without my Mom.
All year I like to say, "It's just another day. Put
your mind into perspective!"

Then the calender gets turned to December and
even though I fight it, I slip into a depression.
You see, my mother resided with me for years.
She didn't want to go into a nursing home and
as long as it was possible for her to be with me,
I didn't want to face that decision either.

Luckily, we were together til the end. I do
count myself lucky for all the years we did have
together. But, as you all know, there's something
about Christmas. It's the one day that tugs on
every heart string you have.

I'm divorced, no siblings or children, so I truly
do feel alone. My network of loving friends sustain
me. Still, my last thought as I drift off to sleep at
night is always about my Mom.

For all those who have had to say goodbye to an
aging parent this year, think of the special times,
hold on to your loved ones and cry when you need
to.

The first Christmas without them is hard. I try
to fill my head with good thoughts and move one
foot at a time. As they say....the days will pass.

Merry Christmas, Mom...
Love, Karen

Hobbies And Your Aging Parent

2007-11-26T14:16:00.000-04:00

If your parent is physically able to pursue their
hobby, please encourage them to do so.

My dear Mom was an avid crocheter. She did
exceptional work. Everyone thought so.

She continued to crochet up until just months
before she died at 95. It gave her immense
satisfaction. She was doing something she loved.

The mental benefits Mom received from her
beloved hobby were immeasurable. She got quite
a kick when people would commission her to do
a piece. And pay good money for her work!

Your parent could be getting the same joys from
their hobby. It gives validation when they make
money from something they've created.

We all need to feel validated. For the aging population,
I think it's even more important. Because their age
has caused them to give up so many other things.

Since we all complain that it's so hard to know what
to buy an older person (because they HAVE everything),
how about a Christmas gift that will put the spark back
into them?

http://www.clickaudit.com/goto/?83740

In memory of my Mom, Dorothy...
-Karen

Your Aging Parent: How To Remember The Past

2007-10-13T22:47:00.000-03:00

It can be difficult caring for a parent.
From tying shoelaces to bathing. Many
times you'll wonder how it all came down
to this.

These are frustrating times. For you.
And for your parent. They too, remember
how it was before their bodies failed them.

A great thing to do for everyone is to
remember the past. When your parent
was healthy.

Gather up pictures of your parent when
they were young. In their prime. Put
the photos out where you can see them.

Make a collage or scrapbook. Find pictures
of your parent as they went through their
life. As a child, a teenager, a newlywed, a
young mother, etc...

It can be beneficial and heartwarming for
both of you to sit together and look at
the pictures.

It's a great reminder of why you are your
parent's caregiver now.

~~Karen

Facing Alzheimer's In Your Aging Parent

2007-10-04T12:29:00.000-03:00

For many years I lived in fear of my
mother getting Alzheimer's Disease. Mom
and I both coped with all her health-related
issues rather well, I thought.

But I knew Alzheimer's would force a
choice I didn't want to make. My Mom
wouldn't be able to live with me anymore.
As sole caregiver with no siblings, it
wouldn't have been an option.

But we were lucky. Mom lived to be
95. Mind sharper than mine. And we
were together.

For the caregivers of aging parents who
are faced with Alzheimer's, my heart
goes out to you.

This is the most distressing disease for
the patient, family members and care
givers. Devastating.

So if your parent has been diagnosed
or you are beginning to suspect Alzheimer's
Disease, you'll want to be well-equipped to
handle what the future holds.

We must remember. The brain is damaged.
The patient cannot make sense or use logic
to what they see and hear. Scary, right?

The patient has no control over what they
are doing. They can't prevent themselves
from doing or saying things they would have
never done when their brains were healthy.

Some Tips For The Caregiver

1. Learn everything you can about the dementing
illness. We can't begin to understand anything if
we just don't know about it. This understanding
of the dementing illness will help us cope.

2. Talk to the patient if the illness is mild to
moderate. You'll both be able to share your feelings,
memories and concerns for the future.

3. Solve problems one at a time. Choose one thing
that has you in turmoil and make little changes
until you see a difference. Everything can't be
conquered at once.

4. Rest. The caregiver must have respite care. They
have to take care of themselves. It's been reported
that chronic caregiver stress leads to a shortened
life span for the caregiver. Serious stuff!

5. Adapt. Always ask yourself, "Is it that big of a deal?"
If the patient wants to do something like sleep in their
clothes, is the frustration of trying to force them into
pj's really worth the stress?

6. Laugh. You must find ways to make what you can
funny. Talk to other caregivers and find the humor in
the situation. The patient needs laughter as well!

If you'd like to learn more about this painful disease,
http://www.clickaudit.com/goto/?66427

Be strong,
Karen

Looking After Aging Parents: When You're An "Only"

2007-10-01T15:27:00.000-03:00

Perils of the "only child".

We "only children" have it much harder as
our parents age. There are no brothers and
sisters to turn to for emotional support.

There is nobody to take turns in being
the caregiver. It can be lonely. And it can
be difficult.

The only ones who truly understand are
the caregivers in the same situation.

This is why it is absolutely essential to
research the support assistance available
to you in your community!

It's been proven that chronic stress of
caregivers is known to shorten our life-span.

With me, I always thought my heart would
give out. The running joke with Mom was
that she'd outlive me because I was always
on alert.

If she so much as bumped her rollator into
the couch, my heart lurched and palpitated.
A constant flood of adrenaline is not good!

I didn't know how hard it was on the heart
until she passed away. (thankfully, she was
able to live with me until the end) I miss Mom.
But, I don't miss the adrenaline surges!

As an only child, please look into respite services,
home-care support, anything your community
offers to assist you in elder care. They truly are
a life-saver!

Check with your doctor, your hospital, the phone
directory, anything...Don't stop until you have
help lined up.

It will save you from caregiver burnout and
possibly add years to your life!

Click Here! if you'd like to learn more about
getting information from eldercare experts.

Warmest thoughts,
Karen

Aging Parents: How Long Can They Stay In Their Own Home?

2007-09-25T21:09:00.000-03:00

Nobody wants to see the time come when
your aging parent will have to move from
their home because it's for their health and
safety.

***Warning Signs To Watch For***

1. Weight loss

Are your parents having unexplained weight loss?
Many diseases cause this such as cancer, depression,
heart failure, dementia and malnutrition.

2. Are they safe in their home?

As you go through their home be on the look-out
for things like the condition of stairs. Is there
proper lighting? Loose scatter mats can be a
menace. Properly installed smoke detectors...

3. How are their spirits?

We all have bad days but signs of depression are
poor hygiene, neglected housework, shutting
themselves off from the outside world.

4. How is their mobility?

Are they unsteady on their feet? Do they need a
cane or walker to make it easier for them to move
about?

5. Hearing & vision

Are they able to hear the doctor and pharmacist?
Can they see to read instructions? Have they
had any recent falls or injuries?

You really do have to be an investigator with aging
parents. They will not always answer your questions
truthfully. Remember, it sucks to get older and more
feeble. Be gentle but firm in your quest for the truth.

Look at things from a new perspective. Like child-
proofing a home, you have to "think in their shoes".

No, of course they don't want to leave their home
but they have to realize there are times when their
health and safety are at risk.

Especially when an aging parent is living alone. Then
you have to be extra diligent in your assessment.
If you live too far away to "investigate", try to arrange
a friend or family member living close by to watch
these things for you.

Be strong and help them stay around as long as
possible...

~~Karen

Aging Parents: How To Help The Caregiver

2007-09-23T14:08:00.000-03:00

Being a caregiver is hard work. Are you
a friend or family member of someone who
is the sole caregiver to an elderly parent?

If so, you have probably said many times,
"If there's ever anything I can do to help,
just let me know." Right?

How many times did the caregiver take you
up on that generous offer? I'm guessing not
many. That's because it's hard for so many
people to come right out and ask for help.
They feel they should be doing it all by
themselves. And, that's asking for major
trouble.

If you really want to help your friend, the
caregiver, you will need to offer concrete
suggestions...

***Tips On Being A Caregiver's Best Friend***

1. If you going to the grocery store, call them
and say, " I'm heading out for groceries. Is
there anything I can pick up for you? "

2. " I have to pick up items and prescriptions at
the pharmacy. Can I pick up anything for you?"

3. " I'm going to the dry-cleaners. Do you need
anything dropped off? "

4. If your friend has pets that maybe aren't getting
their usual TLC, offer to take the dogs for a walk.
Or drop by and give extra attention to the cats.

4. Call up sometime and say, " I have several hours
to spare. Why don't I come over and you take
the time to get out of the house? Go do something
you really want to do."

5. If you've noticed yard work that should be done,
jump in and do it.

6. Offer to take the care receiver out for the afternoon.

These are just a few ideas. By now, you're probably
thinking of many more. I can't begin to express how
happy and grateful your friend will feel when you offer
to do things in this manner.

You may have to go revive them. They may pass out
from sheer gratitude.

Here's to being a good friend,
~~Karen

Elder Care: When Your Parents Have To Leave Their Home

2007-09-21T18:17:00.000-03:00

I can still see the pain and tears on my
mother's face when she left the home
she'd lived in since she was a bride.

Even though she was moving in with me
and my then-husband, which was what
she wanted, the sadness was gut-wrenching.

But, she couldn't live alone. We lived too
far away to be there for her everyday. She
had many health issues and wasn't able to
manage on her own. Emotionally, as well,
being alone was not an option.

When the time comes to evaluate if one or
both parents can't manage in their own
home on a day-to-day basis, it won't be easy.

Many of our parents can stay in their own
homes with the help of a home-support worker
dropping by.

They can do housework, laundry and help with
bathing.

But, when safety becomes an issue, you have
to step in. If our parents have health problems
that cause forgetfulness they have to be helped
to understand the things that can happen that
can lead to dire events.

Whatever the reason they have to leave, please
keep in mind the emotional trauma they will
be going through. Put yourself in their shoes.

Whether they will be moving into an assisted-
living facility or with a son or daughter, life as
they have known it for years is going to change.

It will take kindness and patience to help guide
them through this life milestone.

To learn from top eldercare experts, Click Here!

Take care of yourself,
Karen

How To Be A Patient Advocate

2007-09-16T22:31:00.000-03:00

Wouldn't it be nice to know things before
we needed to act? Instead of bumbling through
by trial and error?

One of the things I found out during the hospital
stays my mother experienced is this:

You have to become an ADVOCATE.

It is a fine line you'll be walking. For one,
you don't want to make a nuisance of yourself.
But, you don't want to be a doormat, either.

*****Tips For Being An Advocate*****

1. Get in their faces. Nicely put it means:
Introduce yourself to everyone at the nurse's
station. It goes a long way if you greet the
staff by their name. Be friendly. Most of them
are doing their best!

2. Offering help is greatly appreciated by the
staff. It also makes your parent feel so much
better to have you with them, doing for them.

You can help with feeding, getting them out of
bed to move around if they are able. Helping
with toilet rituals, manicures, pedicures, massages.
The little things that mean a lot to their comfort
and emotional well-being.

3. Be educated on your parent's condition so you
can talk to the medical team without appearing
like a total idiot. This way you can discuss treatment
options and be in on decisions. You'll be treated
with respect and so will your parent.

4. Never be put off if you want to talk to the
doctor. If you can't be there when they make
their rounds, insist on an appointment.

5. Trust your instincts!!! You know your parent
better than strangers in a hospital. If the patient
is being pushed too soon to do something you
know is not in their best interests, speak up.

You know how their color is when they are well.
You know what they can do when they are well.
You can gauge things. The staff can only "go by
the book".

6. Be present. If you or a sibling can't be there,
be sure to phone and keep contact. Designate
one sibling as the "point guard". The staff can't
be answering calls from the whole family. You'll
just undo everything you're trying to do right!

If you're lucky enough to afford it, consider hiring
a private duty nurse or aide to take your place if
it's impossible for you to be there.
***************

Nobody wants to be admitted to a hospital. But,
it's bound to happen at some point for a variety
of reasons. Be prepared.

This is a case of "the squeaky wheel getting greased."

Stay strong,
~Karen

Elder Care: Signs Of Depression

2007-09-11T20:34:00.000-03:00

With so many other concerns to worry about,
sometimes we miss what's right in our face.

We may brush it off. Thinking it's natural for
the elderly to be depressed. Wrong. They need
to see their doctor and discuss their depression
so they can get help.

Who needs to cope with depression, especially
if there are other medical problems?

Symptoms of Depression
(from the US Department of Health and Human Services)

1. Persistent sadness, anxiety or empty mood
2. Loss of interest in ordinary activities, family/friends
3. Decreased energy, fatigue, "slowed down"
4. Sleep problems
5. Eating problems
6. Difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions
7. Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
8. Thoughts of suicide or death
9. Irritability
10. Excessive crying, sometimes without reason

If you notice some or all of these symptoms in your aging
parent, please get them to their doctor to talk about it.

It didn't dawn on me with my own mother that she was
suffering depression. I was concentrating on her other
health problems. Once she was subscribed anti-depressants,
she began to feel so much better. Yay!

To get information from 12 of the top eldercare
experts...Click Here!

~Karen

Nursing Homes: The Hardest Part About Caring For Your Aging Parent

2007-08-23T23:36:00.000-03:00

Nursing Homes...

Let's face it. Nobody ever wants to
be in the position of needing nursing
home care.

We hope we never need to go into a
nursing home. We hope we don't have
to see our loved ones in a nursing home.

But, there are times when it can't be
avoided. One of the main reasons for
your aging parent to need to reside in
a nursing home is that they require
around-the-clock care. Something you
are unable to provide.

If your parent is bed-ridden, the demands
of caregiving exceed what you are
capable of giving.

If your aging parent suffers from Alzheimer's,
in the advanced stages, especially, they need nursing
home care for their own safety.

It will be the hardest decision you'll have to
make. Heart-wrenching. Naturally, you'll
be doing a great deal of research to find
the best place you are able to for your loved one.

There is help available within your community.
Take advantage of every resource and referral
agency before making your choice. Remember,
the squeaky wheel does indeed get the grease!

For immediate online help, Click Here!

To learn from top experts in the field of
Elder Care...

Wishing you peace,
~~Karen

The Emotions of Caregiving

2007-08-13T21:47:00.000-03:00

The National Family Caregivers Associations
national profile of caregivers found that 67%
of caregivers felt frustration while nearly 40%
felt sad and anxious.

Half of all caregivers experienced back pain,
sleeplessness and depression.

You are going to take on a caregiving role. After
thinking it through, you know you can do it. Or,
you may be like so many and not have a choice.
It could be thrust upon you before you've had a
chance to think.

One of the things you should be prepared for are
the wide range of emotions you will experience.
And these emotions are normal. Don't beat yourself
up.

Having my Mom live with me has shown just how
many emotions a body can experience. The ups and
downs of the caregiving rollercoaster ride.

Happiness, sadness, joy, depression, anger, frustration,
guilt, compassion and love. There will be days you'll
run through them all! And wonder how you will live
to cope another day.

Now that my mother has passed away and I've had
time to think back on our many years together, I'm
going through a lot of the same emotions.

The biggest is regret. I know the experts say that is
part of the grief process. But my regrets are that I
didn't have more information at the time. I thought
we were doing fine. Now I wish I could have the chance
to do it again.

I work in a library, for pity's sake. I help others find
information and resources they need. But not for me.
What they say about the cobbler's kids going without
shoes now makes sense to me.

What makes it extremely hard when caring for your
parent is the unresolved conflicts from the past. Put
a child and parent back together and you soon find
out that this role will never change.

Being a caregiver, I know your time is limited. But
please find out all you can. Libraries, support groups,
bookstores, senior services, etc...

If I could change anything, it would be to go back
and do it all again. But only better. I'm sorry, Mom.
I loved you. And always will...

Goodnight...
~~Karen

What Does Aging Look Like?

2007-08-09T10:14:00.000-03:00

Aging. Nobody looks forward to the process.
But, as the saying goes, look at the alternative!

There are two kinds of aging:
Primary and secondary...

No, we don't get to pick which one we'll take.
We're going to get both.

Primary Aging

This is all about genetics. Here's
where we can blame someone else. Or thank
our parents for their great genes.

It's like pre-ordained coding that our bodies
follow. That's why medical doctors want to
know your family's medical history when
it's all about you.

Secondary Aging

This is when the systems of the body simply
slow down. And, where, in many cases, we
get to blame ourselves.

A healthy lifestyle will delay the effects of
secondary aging. Not stop. Just slow down.
You've heard it all before...
Healthy diet, exercise, no smoking, etc...

So as we take care of our aging parents, it
will be a learning experience of what's in
store for us. And when we think of it in
that way, we tend to have more patience
through the rough times of being caregivers.

Warmest thoughts,
~~Karen

The Care Receiver: How To Walk A Mile In Their Shoes

2007-08-03T22:27:00.000-03:00

Caregiving is one of the most demanding roles
anyone can undertake. If you are performing as
caregiver now or you know you will be in the near
future, there are some techniques you may find
useful.

Whether you are caregiver to an aging parent,
spouse, sibling or any loved one, many emotions
will be the same.

Frustration and anger will rear up its ugly persona.
Even if you think you are as good-natured as they
come, think again.

This is natural. Don't let the guilt of these emotions
overwhelm you when they happen. Just keep
saying over and over, "I'm not a bad person.
This is normal. I'll get through it."

My mother depended on me for many years. She
was caregiver to my father for many years so I got
to see first hand what I would be doing in the future.

At first it was more psychological dependence. In the
last year of her life, she was like my little child.

Mom resided with me for more years than I care to
admit. Maybe I've actually forgotten. As you may
know, living with someone is a whole lot different
than caregiving at a distance.

Add to that the mother-daughter dynamics and you
are sitting on the proverbial powder keg at times.

We went from me getting her fixed up to go out
when she was mobile to informing her the time had
come for the adult diapers.

Emotions ranged from envy. (She looked better than
me when out socializing! Heck, there wasn't time
left over for me to primp.)

To anger. At her. At myself. At life. Then back to
sadness and depression. For the both of us.

In the final years, I'd finally figured it out. Duh!
Whatever negative emotion I was feeling, I'd
take a deep breath. Yes, it really does work.

As I looked at my mother, I'd remember the pictures
of her taken as a child and young woman. And, I'd
simply put myself in her shoes.

This woman once skipped across the hayfield. Played
with her siblings. Giggled at silly things.

She grew up. Married. Was a dedicated wife. Adopted
me. And put up with my teenage years. Sure, we had
problems. I've never known a family without dysfunction.

Then I'd look at this little old lady and see her soul.
Her aged body turned against her but her soul
was still that of the newborn baby brought into this
world where she endured many difficult years.

I know it's hard. There are times you think your
aging parent will send you off the deep end. But, stop
and remember them. The way they were.

They did not want this. My Mom used to say,
"Oh, to be 70 again!" When I would cringe when
"wiping her bottom", I'd remember the hard-working,
energetic woman who always took care of others.

Try that experiment when your emotions are doing you in.
I know it's easy for me to say. Now. Mom died last year.

And I miss her terribly. I want to hug her again.

Go hug your aging parent. And remember the good times...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This may be of interest and assistance to you...

http://www.clickaudit.com/goto/?64435

~Karen

Alzheimer's: News On Skin Patch

2007-08-02T12:20:00.000-03:00

...Taken from News Release...

Skin Patch Approved for Treatment of Mild to Moderate Alzheimer’s

Monday, July 30, 2007

A skin patch that delivers small, continuous doses
of the Alzheimer’s drug Exelon throughout the day
was approved for sale in the United States earlier
this month. It is expected to be available in pharmacies
in the coming weeks.

The “Exelon Patch” contains the same medication,
rivastigmine, that is has been available in capsule form
since 2000 to treat mild to moderate Alzheimer’s.

The medication is also available in a liquid form.
The skin patch is replaced once a day and worn on the
back, chest, or upper arm.

Various medications have been available as skin patches,
which allow small and continuous doses of the drug to be
absorbed through the skin, but this is the first such
skin patch to be available for the treatment of Alzheimer’s disease.

According to the drug’s maker, Novartis Pharmaceuticals,
the skin patch may be preferred by caregivers because it
may be easier to apply than taking a pill.

“The patch provides a visual reassurance for the caregiver
that the patient is receiving their medication,” they note.
Because it delivers a small and steady dose, it may also be
less likely to produce upset stomach, nausea and vomiting
than oral forms of the drug, the drug-makers say.

The Food and Drug Administration also approved the use
of Exelon Patch in treating patients with mild to moderate
dementia due to Parkinson's disease. Parkinson's disease
is a chronic and progressive neurological condition that
affects some 1.5 million people in the United States.

--------0--------

Yes, this is wonderful news for caregivers! Easier on them
and on the patient...

For more information on Alzheimer's...

http://www.clickaudit.com/goto/?66427

For information from noted elder care experts...

http://www.clickaudit.com/goto/?64435

Warmest thoughts,
~Karen~

Alzheimer's: Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me

2007-08-02T00:44:00.000-03:00

Caregivers of Alzheimer's patients will
deal with a troublesome symptom known
as "sundowning".

This means that in late afternoon and
evening Alzheimer's symptoms become
worse.

**Causes of Sundowning**

---end of day exhaustion (both physical, mental & emotional
---"internal body clock" upset
---lighting is reduced
---inability to separate dreams from reality when trying to
sleep leads to disorientation
---less need for sleep

**Things To Do**

---reduce agitation and sleeplessness
---plan more active days if patient is up to it such
as walks, socializing, exercise, etc...
---restrict sweets and caffeine to mornings, early dinner,
light healthy snack before bedtime
---seek medical advice for bladder and incontinence problems
medication for relaxation

**When patient awakens and is agitated**

---approach loved one in quiet, calm manner
---ask what they need
---remind them of time of day
---do not argue or ask for them to explain themselves!!!
---offer reassurance, hugs, love...

Be kind to them and yourself...
~Karen~

Alzheimer's: Looking After A Parent With Alzheimer's

2007-07-30T19:19:00.000-03:00

Alzheimer's...The word strikes fear into
our hearts. It's a disease that we are all
terrified of developing.

The fear of losing control of our minds.
And, not knowing it! Becoming someone
different.

Not recognizing our loved ones. Our loved
ones not recognizing us. Of whom we've
become.

For the caregiver of an Alzheimer's patient,
I bow to you. I can think of no more difficult
undertaking in the world.

*** The caregiving can take over 100 hours a week.
*** It's extremely hazardous to the caregiver's heath.

There's an estimated 5 million Americans who are
caregivers to someone with Alzheimer's disease.
What could the global statistics be??

As our population continues to age, the numbers
of people diagnosed with Alzheimer's and the number
of caregivers will explode.

I see more and more people coming into the
library looking for information on Alzheimer's.
This is a handbook I've found online that I feel
will be of help to many of you...

http://www.clickaudit.com/goto/?66427

As time permits, I'll be doing more research.

Take care and hang in there,
~~Karen

Caring For Aging Parents: Stress Among Siblings

2007-07-24T20:05:00.000-03:00

"Reports by caregivers indicated...that siblings
were overwhelmingly the most important
source of interpersonal stress."

----From a study by sociologists J. Jill Suitor
of Louisiana State University and Karl Pillemer
of Cornell University

Okay! These are the times when I'm glad I was
the "only child" my parents had!

But, I talk with caregivers at work who have
siblings. I have watched in wonder as I've
witnessed the dynamics playing out among
families.

Day-to-day life can be stressful enough. Add
the role of caregiver to aging parents and you
may be entering a minefield if it's not dealt
with responsibly.

Relationships change and not always for the
better when aging parents need their grown
children to step up to the plate and become
their caregivers.

The #1 complaint I hear and see is that no
matter the number of siblings in a family, in
99.9% of cases, it always seems to be ONE
of the siblings who is responsible for most of
the parent's care!

So just who is the happier sibling in these cases?
No surprise that it's certainly not the one with
the added work. (Usually a woman, I may add)

Where's the rallying around? The support? Is
there any wonder the tension will increase to the
point the primary caregiver is drained of the physical
and emotional strength needed to be a caregiver
in the first place?

Added to the caregiver's grief is when unthinking
parents make excuses for the neglectful sibling in
front of the harried one.

Maybe some of you are old enough to recall the
Smother's Brother's comedy show? The favorite
line being as one brother looked at the other,
"Well, Mom always liked you best..."

Not so funny in reality, is it? So now what?

***Dealing With Sibling-related Stress***

nobody wants to hear it but...Counseling!
having a family meeting
turning to friends for comfort and venting
look at everyone's point of view
deciding to function without them
utilize each sibling's strengths

No matter how bad things can get, most will always say that deep down they are glad to have each other. They can't imagine what it would be like to be the "only child". They feel the "only one" is more disadvantaged.

Hmmm....I guess it comes down to what you know. As an "only child", I didn't have wished-for siblings but both Mom and I had a close, loving circle of friends. No matter what, you can't go through this experience "alone"!

If you're in need of advice on being a caregiver to aging parents, these eldercare experts may have just what you're looking for...

Click Here!

Hang in and take care of yourself,

~~Karen

Nursing Homes: The Hardest Decision For Caregivers To Make

2007-07-22T15:48:00.000-03:00

Nursing Homes...

"I'm not going to a nursing home!" How many
times did my dear mother exclaim that?

She resided with me and that was where she
was staying. Subject was closed as far as she
was concerned.

I lived in constant fear. Especially the last 5 years
of Mom's life. She suffered mini-strokes. If she
had a debilitating stroke, I knew I would have no
choice but to move her into a nursing home.
God forbid!

I also made sure she knew many years ahead of
time that if she developed Alzheimer's, I would
be unable to care for her. Subject closed as far
as I was concerned.

We were lucky. Mom remained with me, had a
major stroke, went into coma and died the next
day in the hospital.

She did it her way. And everyday since her passing
last year, I count our blessings.

For those of you with aging parents who have no
choice but to consider nursing home care, I'm so
sorry. It is the most gut-wrenching decision you'll
make in your lifetime.

There are times the decision is out of your hands.
Your parent enters a hospital and the medical staff
will tell you in no uncertain terms that your aging
parent now requires round the clock nursing care.

But for other caregivers, you watch your loved ones
decline in physical, mental and emotional health and
you are forced to make the decision.

It may be sudden or you see it coming and have time
to prepare and research. Check with your local library.
You'll have better luck there than bookstores. (Not a
sexy mover for bookstores) Also check Amazon.

I've found an eBook you may find helpful. You can read
about here...

Click Here!

Bless you,
~~Karen

The Caregiver: How To Deal With Caregiver Burnout

2007-07-20T22:42:00.000-03:00

If you've just dropped by to see where to get information
from eldercare experts and you don't have much
time, you can go right to...

http://www.clickaudit.com/goto/?64435

As a caregiver you know how tough your job is.
Providing eldercare and TLC to aging parents can
be stressful.

Since it's a fact that caregivers are at an increased
risk for depression, you have to be on alert.

~~~Signs of Burnout~~~

depression
anxiety
irritability
anger
exhaustion
self criticism
apathy over usual activities
trouble at work
trouble in relationships
substance abuse
feelings of being overwhelmed

~~~Things You Can Do~~~

check local senior service organizations
set up "home visitor" program
get respite care
join caregiver support groups
pay special attention to nutrition
try for 7 hours of sleep a night
vent to friends
push yourself to do things you once enjoyed
look for humor in everyday situations

You must take care of the caregiver!

Bless you,

Karen

Aging Parents: How To Deal With The Guilt Trip

2007-07-19T23:31:00.000-03:00

The Guilt Trip. Anyone with parents have
taken that little trip at one time or other.

Yes, there are parents who feel it's crucial
to instill a sense of guilt in their children,
whatever age their children happen to be.

You can be 10 or 65, and parents have the
ability to cause us that emotional grief and
pain.

Some lay it on sweetly. Others are more
confrontational. Doesn't matter. It can be
a painful experience.

Family dynamics are touchy enough. Adding
guilt to the mix can backfire and cause a
permanent rift.

Some parents lay on the trip when they become
older. Maybe because they are scared of what
the future holds.

Other parents have thought it was a necessary
parenting skill. I don't think the "kids" ever
get over it.

When it comes to caring for our elderly parents,
whether at a distance or up close and personal,
as in them residing with you, the issue of guilt
causes tension and is counterproductive.

We don't need to be "guilted" into loving anyone.
It just doesn't work. But, I hear you!
"Tell that to my parents!"

The saddest thing is that even when they are gone,
we still carry the guilt.

For expert advice, it can be found at

http://www.clickaudit.com/goto/?64435

From the always guilt-riddled Karen...

How To Care For Aging Parents: The "Only Child"

2007-07-18T19:25:00.000-03:00

Caring for aging parents when you are
an "only child" can be totally overwhelming.

The good part...you're not dealing with sibling
pressures. Arguing over decisions, one person
feeling like they are doing more than the other, etc..

The bad part...there is no support. Of any kind.
Yes, you have friends. But in a situation like this,
you will understand the saying, "blood is thicker
than water".

From your earliest memories, you come to know
it's YOU who has the exclusive contract of
caring for your aging parents. A contract
you know you'll have to carry out or live with
the shame and guilt.

It reminds me of the lame joke about Eve asking
Adam if he loves her. His reply..."Who else?"

Who else, indeed?

As the "only one", you have to be prepared.
If you live thousands of miles away, what will
you do when the time comes when one or both
parents cannot look after themselves?

Will you give up life as you know it and move
to them? Will you have them relocate close to you?
Have them move in with you?

All these questions are life-altering and gut-wrenching.
They aren't to be taken lightly. Too much depends
on your choices.

***Things to consider***

your marriage
your children
your work
your lifestyle
your finances
your health
the health of your family

For expert advice...

Click Here!

And the best of luck to you,

Karen

Aging Parents: Remember The Good Old Days?

2007-07-17T21:11:00.000-03:00

Have you heard stories of "the old days"?
You know, back when family members all
lived together? Generation after generation?

If you were lucky you heard these history
lessons from grandparents or great-grandparents.

There was the "homestead". Babies were
born there. The midwife may have been a
neighbor or the mother-in-law.

The many children grew up with parents,
grandparents and siblings. The grandparents
died. The children married.

Maybe they built their own home close by
or simply moved their bride or groom into
the "family home". The parents became the
grandparents and the circle of life continued.

So help me Hannah, but things have changed!
The biggest difference is life expectancy.
The circle of life has beaten a new path to our door.

In the "old days" there were always family to
take care of each other. Now, family members
may be scattered across the planet.

Words our great-grandparents never heard of
are elder care, assisted living, nursing homes,
long term health care and baby boomers!

Whether we live across the street or in another
country, our parents are aging. They may not like
it but they will need our help.

They may even fight us. And, we may get a
kick out of saying, "But it's for your own good!"

Elder care isn't to be taken lightly. This is serious stuff,
folks. Life and death. You should be prepared for all
eventualities.

Waiting until you get the call in the middle of the
night which sends you racing to the nearest hospital
or the nearest airport will be adding more anxiety
to an already over-the-top stressful life event.

Do your research on elder care. Talk with your
parents. Whether they are in their own homes,
in an assisted living facility or facing nursing home
care, there are things that can be done to make this
transition for your parents as dignified as possible.

Remember, chances are you will be needing the same
tender, loving care someday...

To learn from experts...Click Here!

Baby Boomers Become Parents...Again

2007-07-16T23:09:00.000-03:00

Elder Care

The subject nobody wants to think about.
Not the baby boomers. Especially not the
parents.

Our parents were once vital, energetic,
hard working people. They nurtured us,
protected us and loved us.

Then, in what seems like a blink of an eye,
they became old.

It's no fun for them either! They remember
when they were 30 years old. Now they seem
to be held hostage by an aging body that
seems alien to them.

Over time, the effects took hold. The
strength they had is now gone. Hearing and
eyesight are on the decline. Balance is off.
And, these are just the normal, everyday
aging symptoms.

When you add the age-related illnesses that
they may succumb to, it breaks our hearts.

They can't manage home maintenance. You don't
want to see them behind the wheel. You notice
their memory is not what it should be.

You're a member of The Aging Parents Club.

You may live next door, across the country or in
another country altogether. But when the time
comes when we have to admit our parents are in
need of assistance, we are the ones they look to.

In so doing, they are made to feel helpless. It's
up to us to make their transition as smooth as
possible.

You're in transition, too. From the daughter or
son to caregiver. To parenting your parents.

And with it comes an avalanche of questions.

When do we have "the talk" with them?
Do they need a nursing home? Assisted living?

What is they have dementia? What are their
health problems? If you live close by, it's
easier to assess the situation. But what if you
live thousands of miles away? What do you do?

The first thing is to take a real hard look at
the situation. See it for what it is. And,
remember to be firm. Because, their pride
has been attacked. Their bodies betrayed
them.

You'll also hope you do it well. Because if you
have children, they'll be watching. How you treat
your aging parents will be a lens on how you
will be treated by your children.

Let's show love and respect for our elderly.
This will also happen to us!

The most important thing to remember is to
start your research now. When you make
decisions in a crisis, chances are, they will not
be the best ones for you or your parents.

To get advice from experts in elder care...

Click Here!

Good luck,
~~Karen

Elder Care: Our Aging Parents

2007-07-16T12:34:00.000-03:00

Elder Care...

People are living longer. While we celebrate
the news, we must remember the downside.

We will age. And with that comes all the age-
related maladies. Just at the time we baby
boomers are noticing new aches and pains,
helping kids through university, looking forward
to retirement...we are faced with another
of life's milestones that many in the past didn't
have to deal with.

Our aging parents. In the "old days", even
extended families lived within visual distance
of one another. Help was as close as an arms
length away.

Today, a son may be in Thailand, a daughter
in Europe and the parents in Iowa. But, they
are still our parents and we want to be there
for them.

In a perfect world, we are armed with the
information beforehand. But, no doubt as we
go about our busy lives, we are blindsided by
an event that reinforces the reality. Our
parents are now old. And, they need us.
How and when did this happen?

If you want to be prepared, take a look at
expert advice all in one place at...

http://www.clickaudit.com/goto/?64435

Be ready when the time comes...