Elder Care: And Then We Have To Say Goodbye...

It doesn't matter the age of a loved one when they die. It always hurts. And, for me, I'm finding time doesn't make it much easier. If anything, I miss Mom more now than when she died. Everyone said I was in shock then. Even though it was certainly expected.

As the anniversary approaches of the day she died, I find myself depressed. When most people are getting a healthy dose of spring fever, I'm ready to go back to hibernation. I know it will pass. At work, at least, nobody would know how I feel. I deal with the public so I have to be "on" at all times. Which helps.

Death sucks. No matter what the age. I can't believe it will be 5 years. It seems like 2 years at most. For those of us who believe in the afterlife, it's much easier. I don't know what I believe. Sometimes, I believe our loved ones are having a great old time "over there" and waiting to be reunited with us. At other times, I lose sight of those good thoughts.

What I do know is this. I've been at the bedside of several people getting ready to die. And everyone of them in the days and hours leading up to death were reaching out. Everyone of them. What did they see? Who were they reaching for? Was someone beckoning them? Letting them know they had love and support when they passed? Gosh, I sure want to believe in that.

I guess the only thing we can do is treat our loved ones who are still with us with love. And know that we've done our best while we had the ones with who have passed. Still...I wish I could go back and do it better...

I miss you, Mom. And I will see you again, someday...

Elder Care: The Importance Of Home Care For Everybody Involved With Aging Parents

Having home care for my mother was a godsend. For both of us. It gives the caregiver a chance to get errands done. It offers a respite for you to get away from your loved one. Which is good for both parties.

Nobody can and should be in each other's face every minute of the day. It replenishes the caregiver emotionally and physically.

For the care receiver, it's a chance to socialize with someone besides family members. My mom perked up when she knew her home care worker would be visiting. Having someone else get Mom in her bath saved my back!

Only you can visualize what the benefits to having home care would be. I urge you to call around your local area to see what's available. It can be paid or un-paid. But please look into this service. It took me awhile to get it all sorted out because I thought I had to do everything myself. Being the martyr does not work for anyone!

Looking After Your Elderly Parents: Become Senior Friendly

Last month my workplace offered a course on becoming "Senior Friendly". My co-workers knew I'd appreciate us being given the designation as I love my seniors. Having taken care of my Mom until she passed on at 95, I was eager to see what we'd learn.

We were given walkers and with our legs tied together tried to open a heavy door and get outside. We tried to do the same in a wheelchair. None of this was easy at all!

The most heart-touching exercise was wearing glasses to simulate different forms of vision impairment. Mom suffered with macular degeneration. I tried to be empathetic but I know I failed miserably. When I wore those glasses and really understood for the first time how it was for Mom, tears came to my eyes. Now I finally understood and my heart went out to her all over again.

It's hard for younger people not to lose patience. We live in such a hectic, fast-moving time. When we are behind someone in a wheelchair or using a cane or walker, we might begin sighing and fidgeting. Try to be patient!

Nobody asks for any age-related issues to affect their lives. Everyone wants to be vibrant and mobile. And these same things may be affecting us before we know it. Do we want loved ones or strangers becoming angry with us?

I would give anything to have Mom back with me and do things over. With a lot more understanding. But I can't. The best I can do is "pay it forward". So please be patient. And if a "Senior Friendly" course has seminars in your area, think about attending. Have younger people you know consider attending as well.

Life is better for all of us if we could just slow down a little and feel the love toward all people, no matter what their age.

Caring For Aging Parents: What Will The New Year Bring?

We are starting a new year. None of us have a crystal ball. We start each year with a sense of wonderment and hope. Unfortunately, real life takes hold and memories of warm feelings brought on by the holidays are forgotten.

Worries over aging parents never leave us. As we go about our daily lives, doing our jobs, the thought is always in the back of our minds..."Are Mom and Dad okay?" Whether you live close by or a long way apart, the anxiety can consume us.

For me, my Dad passed away while he was living with Mom in the same house they started their marriage in. Although I constantly checked up on them, Mom was able to take care of most of the load. After he passed, my mother never got over her grief. She depended on me more than ever.

To shorten the story, Mom lived with me for many years until she passed at 95. I don't regret it. Even though there were times I thought I'd lose my mind! (smile)

Which is best? I really don't know. Each of us has to deal with the cards given us. Your aging parents may be still in their own home. Maybe an assisted living facility or nursing home. Close by or miles away. Or living right with you in your own home.

Some of you are part of the sandwich generation. You're taking care of teenagers AND aging parents. That has to be the most difficult!

What will the New Year bring? There will be ups and downs. Perhaps their health will deteriorate. Sadly, this may be their last year on earth. We don't know. But, please look for emotional support wherever it's available. For whatever stage in the process you find yourself.

Take time for yourself. Look after yourself with proper rest and nutrition. These must be your priorities. Losing yourself to look after others will benefit nobody.

Live in the moment. Relish the little things. Take comfort in the smiles, hugs and laughter. When the bad stuff happens, know you are strong and you will conquer whatever is thrown your way.

Life's like that. I wish for you a Happy New Year. Filled with health, love, support, understanding and patience. Bless you all!